Whispering Shadow

The balloons float in mid-air. Like thoughts awakened, they create a stir. My mind is bubbling with ideas each screaming to be heard, indicating a sense of identity, like size and colour indicate for each balloon. But at the end, identity is secondary. All that is of consequence is visibility. Unless you are noticed, you will not be observed and given a chance to prove yourself. It is the story of the world you and I live in seen in the struggle of each balloon to rise above than the rest. However, the world we live in also gives us a vast canvas, clear and unending, the canvas which is provided by the blue sky in the photograph. We feel liberated. We have a fair chance. It is our own to take. Though an ideal world would have no boundaries, in the real world, there are strings attached. It is not about simply doing our best, but doing our best within the constraints. Only the one who can succeed in seeing a complete picture is a true champion. PS 1: I submitted this for a competition (...

Oh beloved! I come to thee Delinquent I have been Please forgive me. Blinded by the darkness Agony I couldn't see Hold my hand I will set you free. Don't find answers For none you will find Seek no love That love, you will leave behind. Embrace me Once again be strong The divine light beckons To eternity you will belong. Yonder lies a world The abode of the soul End the battle within Let the pieces form a whole. PS: Dedicated to the one loved by the ones I love.

I miss: -Sindhi curry -calling friends at 30p/minute -VESIT -sleeping 1AM-8PM -khau galli -chatting non-stop for 3 hours and still wanting more -being woken up by people rather than an alarm -Marine Drive -affordable restaurants -auto rickshaws -Nix -my team at Accenture -treats without the GPL ;) -fighting for a Choco Avalanche that lasts 20 seconds -going on random treks to random places -having objects to photograph closeby -local trains -lectures from Dada on practically everything I do or don't do -weekends -reading a novel from start to end at one go -Kandha Poha -watching 4 movies in a day -unforeseen heavy rains -Linking Road -Vada Paav -my inner circle -having a refrigerator in the room, with food on demand -college fests -matke ka paani -H n H -weekend getaways -seeing both rudeness and nicety in a moment -a paycheck -trips to Bangalore -late night drives -BEST buses -Pasada's movie recommendations -unrestricted night downloads -getting, making and giving customized g...

Me: How come you are up at this hour? Myself: I am always up at this hour. Me: Did you know you don't wake up in time for the 8.30 lectures? Myself: Of course I do. I have a dream within a dream within a dream....just like nested loops in programming. Every time the alarm rings, I wake up in a dream. I exit one dream and return to the parent dream. Me: Crap! You are sleep talking. Myself: I am sleep talking half the time. I am sleeping from 2 AM to 2 PM. Surprised you didn't know. Me: Don't forget, I am the insomniac that you once used to be. Myself: I thought I was too, till the winter came knocking on my doors. Time froze. I froze in time, apparently. Me: Faff. When will you ever learn how to talk straight? Myself: It's proven. That's why food is preserved in freezers. The microbes' metabolism slows down in the near zero degree temperature range and hence they cannot carry on with their work of spoiling the food. So you see it's humane for your body clock ...

The air is dry Truth is a far cry Do you feel the prick on the skin? Why are you not hunting for truth within? Trees are shedding leaves There is someone who believes Is a leaf better dead than not alive? Is there a better meaning to your lives? Birds are migrating You men are struggling Isn't the world their playground? Why is it your battleground? The snow is sparkling white Your lives are blank How does the snow not stain? Why do you not feel another's pain? The winter season is here The search for reason is here Are you cold under the feeble sun? Did my heart unfold a story unsung?

We all have a dream - one you believe in, a one you see becoming a reality, a dream you know nothing about but you know it exists taking shape somewhere in the many years to come, a dream that defines the purpose of your life. It is yours and you know it. It is the guiding light for every decision you take. But how do you make others see the light? Do they need to see the light? As it turns out, yes, they do sometimes, to know you as a person. You try giving them a glimpse. The brightness of the vision is blinding. They shut their eyes. And then it's gone. But when you shut your eyes, it is clearer than ever. And the moment you open them, it is blurry. All you can recollect is you saw a dream. All you are left with is the lingering sensation. It is this sensation that makes you a believer. It is the belief that translates into a vision which in turn can be shared. Though appreciated for its beauty in the long run, many find it hard to understand the choices you are going to make t...

Satisfaction manifests itself in different ways. Satisfaction could come from the sense of achievement, peace, joy or relaxation derived from any one of the many activities one could possibly do. But the beauty lies in the fact that its effect leave an imprint on your head, a scar one wants to see over and over again to relive those times that have been. Again scar may not be the perfect word to use in a positive connotation but I simply use it as a last symbol of an event that led to strong emotions. I was scarred twice in the last fortnight. Two very different reasons led to two very different results but gave me the same amount of satisfaction. The first event I am talking of was my rafting trip to Kolad. The dense forests, the pristine waters, the unpredictable skies and the beautiful flora and fauna looked even prettier when observed from the quiet and fast moving rafts. There was no way I could have seen and absorbed so much natural grandeur in so little time. When added to the a...

Swines passed it on to humans. Humans passed it on to other humans. Some of the other humans came to my campus. Some of those living on the campus caught it by the virtue of ill fate but survived the scare. Some are lucky to have not got it still. Some have escaped it right in time. Those in the latter two categories may still not be completely out of its danger. The clock is ticking. Panic is increasing. People are leaving. Sounds like a typically d-day scenario of a movie. But it's true! I never thought I would have the opportunity to witness the panic of being stricken by the most hyped illness in the world. I shouldn't be sounding excited about it, but I can't deny the fact I am as excited as I am worried. In an otherwise extremely planned schedule for the next 3 months, most would have thought nothing could go wrong. But it did, and how, and how soon. If I could analogize the H1N1 virus with the Joker in the Dark Knight, it perfectly represents his ''agent of c...

Though the Time Machine in the H.G.Wells' novella may still be a distant reality, I have managed to discover its not-so-close substitute in the form of a b-school. It seems just yesterday that I landed at MDI, fresh and full of apprehensions about what the coming few months are going to throw on me. I have become one-sixth of an MBA since then, I have given 14 exams and 28 quizzes in the process, submitted around half a dozen projects and haven't quite realized where was it that the learning has happened, though I am certain it has. It is as if all the actions were involuntarily performed by a unknown side of me. What has happened more consciously is that I have been promoted from the nocturnal creatures to a qualified insomniac. Seniors say if you are sleeping too much, you are not making the most of your time in a b-school, which I partly agree with. Say for instance the last week from Monday to Friday, I slept for 4,5,3,4,2 hours per day respectively everyday. And sometimes ...

The search is on For another treasure Not the glory of achievement Nor wealth beyond measure The path is hidden The journey is long The silence and sounds of the woods Accompany me all along "Make your own path If you can't find the right ways Learn from me, oh traveller" Advices the river as it sways Gazing through the scarlett sky The Sun sinks at the distant end Spreading darkness as it takes my leave To brighten up another land The sights and sounds and smells Look with me into the starry night Overtaking me with a sense of joy Making me wonder if my goal was right The serenity and the beauty alike Make nature my wonder cure My journey was my destination Of that, I am completely sure.

I don't know why I am writing this on my blog. It was 10:15 AM. I was in such deep sleep that only a canon shot could have awakened me. Or so I thought, until I was awakened by the ringtone of my cell-phone. I cursed the caller. Someone would have to be cruel to awaken a harmless soul from his sweet slumber. I heard a familiar voice. Once my brain had finished its daily booting routine, I managed to identify the owner of the voice. It was MS, my classmate and friend. I don't remember which language he spoke in but what he said vaguely translated to "Are you not coming for the lecture?" I told him that I was. I reiterated that the lecture was only at 10:15. That's when he broke the news to me "It's already 10:15." I went like "Oh F***, not again." Had it been any other phase of my education, I would have bunked with pleasure. My philosophy used to be "Why put in an effort in waking up for a boring lecture which again puts you to sle...

Life’s biggest gifts often come in the most inconspicuous fashion. Their worth is realized only through the change they spark off. The change makes its presence felt gradually, through an experience of joy and suffering, grief and hope, which in turn force one to look within. For cyclist Lance Armstrong, life’s biggest gift was cancer. In his autobiography "It's not about the bike" written with Sally Jenkins, Armstrong beautifully weaves the story of his self-actualization. The book is a narrative touching every aspect of his life right since his childhood to his rebirth. In the beginning, he greatly talks about the influence of his mother, his turbulent relation with his fathers and more importantly, his own discovery of the athlete in him. His career as a triathlete and cyclist is like a fairytale of successes and victories till reality strikes in the form of a fourth stage testicular cancer. His prognosis looks bleak with the cancer having spread to his brain, lungs ...

It is 12.30 PM. I have just woken up after an all night long party yesterday. In the first mail I have received in the day, my dad has sent me this poem by Swami Vivekananda. In complete contradiction to the hangover I have started my day with, the poem is intellectually invigourating. Read on. May peace be within you!! Behold, it come in might, The power that is not power, The light that is in darkness, the shade in dazzling light. It is joy that never spoke, And grief unfelt, profound, Immortal life unlived, Eternal death unmoored. It is not joy nor sorrow, But that which is between, It is not night nor morrow, But that which joins them in. It is sweet rest in music, And pause in sacred art; The silence between speaking; Between two fits of passion - It is calm of heart. It is beauty never seen, And love that stands alone, It is song that live un-sung, And knowledge never known. It is death between two lives, And lull between two storms, The void whence rose creation, And that where ...

One of my best friends is someone who I didn't meet for over a year into our friendship. For the people that we were, it was an oddity that we became such close friends over what was just a series of bytes exchanged over the net (I have one more reason why they call it the net, because you can catch some great friends here). Series of bytes is an understatement though. We literally shared our lives, or so I would like to believe. We knew what was happening with our common and non-common friends, our families, on the work front, inside our head, outside our head, whether emotionally, materialistically, spiritually and otherwise. Our wavelengths matched perfectly. Our attitudes were similar. We were both rational, ultra-liberal, thinkers and believers in reason and the merit of work. It was too much of a coincidence. We would ask each other if we were for real. The friendship seemed too good to be true. As a consequence, we would wonder if it would be the same when we met, whether th...

I just finished my lecture on Human Behaviour in Organizations (HBO) and have my Marketing Planning and Managerial Economics lectures coming up. The beauty of a b-school is that when you are doing the stuff you are supposed to do, i.e. study, you feel sleepy and when you are doing everything else that has no correlation with you becoming a manager, you are awake. It is involuntary. Which is why they have quizzes. Like today, our HBO teacher comes in and says I have a surprise for you. The whole class roars "No Quiz!!" Having a quiz is less surprising than not having one. But then 10 minutes of staying awake through those 10-20 questions is not as painful, is it? It is definitely less painful than a thirty page case study which you have to make a presentation on with one day's notice (my sympathies to my friends in HR). But then we don't start when we have 24 hours in hand, it is too un-manager-ly. We strongly believe that it is important to learn to handle crisis now ...

On my trip to Bangalore, I had gone out on a walk with my maternal grandfather, or Nana, as I lovingly call him. Most of the time he was feeling his way along the road. Feeling because he couldn't see. He developed Glaucoma a few years ago after a stroke and ever since his vision has kept degrading reaching a figure of 25% of normal this year. He was also not able to recognize the sound of approaching vehicles since he couldn't hear their engines rattle. He is deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other. To illustrate, he would not know a truck is approaching him till it is around 10 feet away from him. Despite his health constraints, he has never missed his 5 KM morning walk in the past 23 years that I have known him. Of course, the walk I was on with him was not a morning walk since my morning happens a good four hours after his. It was just a stroll to the vegetable market. We reached a road crossing. It was a two way road with three lanes in each direction separated by ...

If I said the last post came after ages, this one has taken many more!! Time has flown by, all of a sudden, leaving me without much time to let any feeling of farwewell to sink in. Ironically, it has been the longest one month of my life. In addition to the expected preparations, tying the open ends of the threads of my life in Mumbai was not easy, especially when they are entagled with all the lives that have touched me deep in there and made all the difference. I also had important people to meet in Bangalore which made an added demand on my limited time. Amidst all the chaos, I didn't realise when I reached Gurgaon and how my first week in Gurgaon went by. Matter of factly, it was an incredibly long one too. I slept 3 hours on an average every night, with 45 minutes being the least in a day and 5 hours being the most. I had an option of paying up fines for sleep, delay and indiscipline (sleeping in sessions, stooping on the desk, etc.) but it was the easier way out. I chose to ...

It's been ages since I posted on Whispering Shadow (barring the one public announcement below). Over the past two weeks, I have started writing posts but ended up not completing them. It completely reflects the state of mind in which I have been - distracted, like a cranky baby. Toys, books, pictures, lights, food - nothing works for the infant. He keeps crying. He is inconsolable. Others don't know what he wishes because he cannot speak. Yet he himself is not wholly aware of what is pulling him in so many different directions. It is like a cause-less effect, an endless cycle. An emotional stew has been brewing over the past 10 days, the ingredients of which have been the joy due to celebration, the ecstacy of acheivement, the satisfaction of great food, the faith in destiny, the relief of having lived up to expectations, the anxiety and freedom of handling your work yourself all alone, the monotony of routine, the instability due to chaos. It's literally a jungle in the...

One attempt, one call, one interview, one convert, one hell of an institute!  For a change, I surprised myself on my birthday. (c)All Rights for the logo are reserved by the Management Development Institute, Gurgaon.

I finally found the right reason to show the wrong finger. On the 30th of April, I voted, as did many other Indians. Since it was my first time, I was all gung ho and reached the polling booth well before time. My name was not in the electoral roll on the polling booth so I had to do a bit of running around to find my polling booth. But I did not give up. I had the mark on my finger (which is unintentionally creative in shape, reminding me of a top view of the head of a flying eagle). Standing in front of the voting machine, I saw 16 names, all losers in their own right. It was a tough call between choosing a candidate keeping the central government policies as well as progress of the constituency in mind. I could have chosen an independent who brought with him/her only a promise and no political lineage or capacity to bring about change. I could have chosen a seasoned MP who would have a higher probability to be a part of the ruling coalition at the center and a contribute to decision...

I woke up that morning. I opened the door to my room. In stead of the passageway of my house, I stepped on to a beach. I heard the sound of the waves. I saw a beautiful sun rise, but the breeze from the Arabian Sea didn’t allow my body to feel its warmth. It could have been one of my dreams, but this time it wasn’t. It was for real, the surroundings and my state of mind. Just before I had gone to sleep the previous night, I was sitting on the beach, alone, staring into the vast expanse of darkness that the ocean had become. Barring the sound of waves breaking on the shore and the hymn of the insects, it was silent. After a while, I could hear my heart beat too, as if it was playing along in harmony with the sounds of nature. I didn’t notice the blanket of stars that shrouded the ocean until I decide to lie down on my back. The stars were infinite in number, unmatched in their luminosity and set up a great contrast with the emptiness of the night. The sky itself felt like an endless b...

I am jubilant. I have stayed away from the newspaper for a week. The feeling of nausea due to overconsumption of information has finally ceased. I have even stayed away from the many news channels that crowd the first 50 channels of my television box. So what if the world is slipping deeper into recession and India is anticipating two events (IPL and the Elections) which will see expenditure of 0.6% of our GDP in just over a month? Not much can change within a week. At least nothing that has any influence on me. Why the sudden aversion from current affairs one may ask. I was preparing for a b-school interview. The array of questions that they can ask you is insane. And as a result, even if you consider yourself to be generally well-read, you are never as ‘aware’ as your interviewers are of the world around you, at least you don’t interpret things they way they do. Hence to try to raise the bar, I was reading like never before, reading topics which I would conveniently skip otherwise, ...

41 degrees should be no big deal, especially for someone who has stayed in Dubai for half his life. It is easily around 6 degrees cooler than the average temperature in Dubai and only half as humid. But it has been sucking the life out me over the past few days. Mumbai is warm and humid like never before. And what makes life worse is the fact that you don't have the luxury of an air conditioner at most places you go to for everyday work, barring office, which is literally always 'chilled out'. And the temperatures have peaked at a time when I am celebrating my first weekend with no prior agenda in a long time. I knew I was going to face 'heat' in my interview but beyond that it should have been all cool. How wrong I was. It's possible the worst the weather in the city has ever felt. Being the outdoorsy person I am, I am quite stuck for options. Yes, I can go to a mall or catch up with a movie but it is never as satisfying as going to Marine Drive or sitting on t...

To gate crash at your home on every birthday, getting spare cakes so that you can do more than just eat them. To expect you to listen to them even when they are at their worst and you are not at your best.  To turn tell you how monstrous you looked in that flouroscent shirt. "You should have instead worn the floral one! " To confide in you how cute they found that girl who just passed by to be which was exactly what you were going to tell them. To give you advice, free and unlimited, sometimes unnecessary.   To wish you luck a million times, saying "You will be just fine" before you put yourself to a real test in this cruel world. You even get "Good Luck" surprise parties. To ask you for treats on every occassion. Your birthday. Treat! You won a prize. Treat! You shaved. Treat! To reinstate faith when you think you are being sucked in a black hole. "No it's ok. They won't touch your arm. They will only chop your finger" To fuel your imagi...

On one rainy day, I remember I had taken cover under the natural umbrella one of them formed. It served me well. I managed to come out, not half as soaked as I would have otherwise been. The rains in Mumbai are ruthless on its inhabitants and the trees are the only saviours.  I was indebted.  The trinity used to stand there, majestically, at the turn down the road. I had seen them in their full glory with their brown barks and thick blanket of leaves. Many creatures lived in them - crows and sparrows, pigeons and squirrels, and many more insects and creepie-crawlies. It was a micro-habitat in itself.   Today, it felt different. The shade the trees provided was gone. The chirping of the birds was absent. In fact there were no birds.  As I walked back home, I had hoped to find them watching over the road that leads to the hospital. But all I saw were three stubs, as if they had been prosecuted and sentenced to death - beheading was the chosen method.   The walk didn't feel the same. ...

A good friend told me, “If you are stressed out, sing out loud.” I told her I always did, especially when I had my music on. How often I have seen random people staring at my face and presumably mumbling to themselves, “What’s wrong with this guy?” while I have been humming along my favourite tunes. Oblivious to their remarks, I enjoy living in a world of my songs. My playlist is barely 48 hours long, but I rarely mind listening to the songs on it, over and over and over again.  They can help me change my frame of mind and refocus. There is a song for every mood, a mood for every song. There are few lines that are so close to me that they deserve a mention on my blog:   Song : Yellow / Artist : Cold Play  "I came along I wrote a song for you And all the things you do And it was called yellow   So then I took my turn Oh all the things I've done And it was all yellow"   Song: Carnival of Rust/ Artist: Poet of the Fall  "It's all a game, avoid...

There are movies and then there are great movies - the ones in which you come out feeling different about the life you live, the world you see. You ask yourself questions which you never asked. You wonder if you already knew the answers to those questions but were not willing to accept them. Your mirage of knowing how relationships function is broken, the age barrier shatterred. You wish you can recreate that magic in your life when the chips are down. You give yourself a fighting chance, for salvation, absolvence from sins of every nature. You feel pain. You cry. You learn how to save a life. You believe. You live the moment.  Gran Torino is not a movie, it's a fun lesson in philosophy. Clint Eastwood is both the learned teacher and the enlightened student. PS: Thank you Mr.Iyer for recommending it. I think you should watch it too in case you haven't so far. 

Wake up. Go to office. Check e-mails. Work.  Eat. Check e-mails. Work. Eat again sometimes. Work more. Return home.  Check e-mails (personal). Sleep.  And this happens six days a week from 7AM to 11PM. Not that there is too much of work, there is too little of everything else. 

My attempts to get a voter card started long before the citizen awakening which the "Jaago Re" campaign ushered. But those attempts have remained fruitless because I have still not got my right to vote. The reasons for having deprived me of the Voter's card have been ridiculous.  The first time I submitted Form 6 to the Election Desk set up in a dingy school compound was two years ago. I had gone to the desk with a copy of my passport (which according to me is one of the most stringently scrutinized documents in India) and a then recent electricity bill because I was told they needed a photo identity proof and a residence proof so I thought these would suffice. But I was sent back because I didn't carry a copy of my ration card (on which any one can add a name by bribing the municipal officer a mere Rs.100!). I went back the next week with the documents and they accepted my application. On asking how long would it take to get the Voter's card, the person in-charge...

It has been one of those phases – I have been doing everything I should but I haven’t been getting anywhere. And its timing could not have been more wrong. Not that I am not happy with whatever I am doing, but I don’t see how it is taking me towards my larger objective. I am practically drifting (yeah, this year’s first ‘drift’ post is here) But luckily drifting has had its benefits. I have been putting in a lot of quality time at work, which has allowed me to gel better with my team.   It is only because of them that despite being the most hectic, the last few weeks have also been some of most enjoyable ones I have had at work. I have learnt but I can’t see the difference just yet. The mention of the word ‘team’ reminds me how much I want to write about mine on the blog. In fact it has so happened that whenever I have wanted to blog, I have had no time, and whenever I have time, I have had no inclination. Since I have both this Saturday evening, I think I will get over with it onc...

I decided to walk back home from the station since I had reached much before my usual time. It was the usual chaos on the street – crowded streets, traffic jams, blaring horns, screaming street vendors – loads of noise. And the usual remedy to the maddening noise is to shut it out with music from my iPod.  I was enjoying watching the pandemonium playing in mute, as I slithered through whatever little space which was available on the road. Finally, I was not thinking about anything but just walking. It had been a while since I manage to empty my mind. It was barely three songs before I reached my building, but I didn’t want to go. I decided to walk further away from home.  On my directionless stroll, I spotted three street urchins, cute little kids, between the ages of three to eight. In tattered clothes and unwashed bodies, they seemed to be a happy bunch. They had found their own little game with a few pebbles and self-created rules. But it didn’t matter to them as long as they we...

Despite being incredibly busy over the past few days, I have managed to find time for many of my favourite activities, which  includes photography (here I go again!). My subjects off late have been varied and mostly natural. And in all I have noticed one common thread - they look more beautiful when they are where they truly belong. A monkey jumping from one branch to another in a dense forest...another scratching his friend's back to relieve him from his itchiness...flowers that wear colours with textures that only enhance their splendour...a lake that provides a mirror to the sky above and the forest surrounding it...a shoe print in the sand, burying a leaf with ruthless perfection...the lack of sophistication of villagers, that you so want but can't have...or the sun taking  time off from it's boredom of watching over many lives it has brightened in one part, only to see some more in another. They are sights which give me contentment, put me at peace with myself. They gi...

After having won four Golden Globes, Slumdog Millionaire has made its way to the headlines of the newspapers. Brickbats and praise, both have come in plenty. Brickbats because of the apparent one-sided portrayal of the country as a religiously torn, poverty stricken economy where the second name for life is struggle. Praise because of it's fluent story telling, cinematographic brilliance, and most of all the fact that it is a masala movie made with technical perfection. A.R.Rehman is particularly brilliant with the background score, ensuring that the Indian touch is not lost while making a international film. As most people know by now, the films tells the story of Jamal Malik through the questions of the game show "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" The fact a slum dweller could answer questions which leave even the most prepared puzzled cannot be digested by the arrogant host of the show. He calls for a police investigation. The story is told by the protagonist in the cour...

Life has more twists and turns than the most exciting of movies. And not one of us can gainsay that. Whether it is fair, is a different question. But if it was always fair, then the world would have more happiness than it could handle. Life would have become boring in utopia. The irony today is that it is this boredom which we all seek. And we are all right in doing so. Just that some times, we get the cake, other times we get the cherry. Like today morning, I knew I had done well. My belief was further strengthened by the official results. I was one of the top 2700 from a set of 270000 who took an exam. I thought I deserved a call. But they did not. I thought I will sail through, but the script was written differently. I was happy when I saw my CAT score card. 95.1, 97.37 and 96.67 percentile in the three sections and 98.91 overall. In my opinion the score was good enough for a call. But the happiness was short-lived. As I scrolled down the sheet, I had not one call from any of the s...