Whispering Shadow

When people are 300 seconds away from their death, research shows that there is a surge in electrical activity in the brain. Neurons are communicating rapidly with each other. Multiple parts of the brain light up in a manner the person was very much alive and dreaming. We don't know what these dreams are, but based on the experiences of people with near-death experiences,  we know they are likely to lucidly see the experiences that have shaped their being. My dadi is critically ill due to a fall and in the Intensive Care Unit. As a family, we are clear we don't want to extend her suffering. On receiving the news, my partner shared this reflection on death with me. I thought it would be good to send her a last wish, in the form of dreams I would like her to dream about, as she breathes her last breath. One of her strongest memories is of her ancestral home, that she left behind at the age of 14 years due to the partition of pre-independence India. She would dream about the acr...

Until two years ago, I was staunchly opposed to the idea of having a child. Today, I have a two-month-old daughter. The transition from a no to a yes was well-deliberated. I wanted to capture my thought process here to help others considering parenthood. I am not saying what I am sharing is universally true. We have 7 Bn people on this planet, and there are 7 Bn truths. These were my considerations, being who I was. The intention is to just share. I have no desire to debate with you if your viewpoint is contradictory. Hopefully, reading this may help you understand where others like me may be coming from.  Why did I not want a child? My reasons for not wanting a child were manifold. I am sharing them in response to common reasons people advocated parenthood. "You need someone in your life to nurture."  I agree that nurturance is a fundamental human need, but I met that need through many sources. I had been a teacher and felt a sense of responsibility for my students long afte...

If someone asked me what is the one thing that I would take with me if my house was on fire, I would take all the cards that my students made for me during my fellowship days, especially the ones given on Teacher's Day (like this one or this one ). I would take these cards because they are a reminder of the lives I touched and the lives that touched me, of the seeds of change I planted and the seeds of change that were planted in me. I would take these cards because they reflect the shared value we stood for, students and teacher, together. I would take these cards because they are the most honest expression of emotion that I know. I would take these cards because they are an acknowledgement of the leadership skills I developed and showed as a teacher every single day.  Whilst the other factors were apparent from day one of the fellowship, I wondered, during the initial few months of the fellowship, where the leadership is in creating and sharing a vision (what does that even ...

I was going to school today feeling a sense of finality of everything. The exact same pre-school morning routine. Packing my bag after checking for all the essentials. Meeting the same people in the lift, other children who go to better resourced schools and their parents. Taking a rickshaw to school with the meter reading between Rs.44-46 everyday (as per the latest fare revision - fares changed thrice during the two years). Reaching school before 7:10AM, the time for the first bell. Signing in on the teacher's muster. Leading my class line for the assembly. Being greeted by a "Good Morning" by my students.  Setting up the class for the lesson - the closing lesson of the year. Taking attendance. Executing it to the tee, well almost. The video collage of photographs of some of the key moments of our journey made them realize that this was the last time I was taking a lesson for them. That was when it dawned on them and me that I had only a few minutes left in that class...

16th January 2016 Dear Metamorphians, I have 87 days left with you. Typically, we make around 1000 choices in a day. In these 87 days, we have over 87000 choices each of us can make. You have the choice to listen and learn or talk and waste your and your friend's time. You have the choice to work hard everyday by doing your classwork, homework, group-work and preparation for procedures or to be lazy and give up on your dreams. You have the choice to come to school everyday and celebrate your remaining time in Metamorphia or sleep at home. You have the choice to eat well and stay healthy or eat street food and fall ill. You have the choice to ask a question or to remain confused and lost. You have the choice to work together as a team to help everyone achieve their goals or work against each other so that no one achieve their goals. You have the choice to show respect and earn some respect or hurt someone and get hurt in return.  You have the choice to react when someone p...

I live with a high degree of objectivity in most everyday aspects of life. On the other hand, I also live with a high degree of romanticism about certain things -  nature, friendship, purpose and poetry. Marriage falls somewhere in between the two where the lines of romanticism and objectivity meet. On one side there is romantic love. It is unconditional and selfless. It does not have an ounce of materialism but tonnes of spirituality. It is organic, flowing and boundless. On the other side, there is a 'ritualistic project' that has an objective of showcasing  the union of two families to the world, or at least those who they know in the world, on a scale that appropriately projects the image of the two families. Henceforth, I will call this project a marriage for the ease of reference. Being five months away from my own marriage, I am facing a tough act juggling the two - my firm belief in romantic love and the 'ritualistic project' that is my marriage itself. I...

I had taken some of my kids who had received the Avasara Scholarship to the American School of Bombay for the award ceremony. There were seven of my students, their mothers and some of their siblings. One of my students Amrita was accompanied by her mother and two siblings - Jyoti who was four and Gayatri who was less than two years old. Jyoti was not supposed to be attending the event, but had to join her mother at the last minute due to her dad not being at home (which is also their vegetable shop) to attend to her. I thought what could go wrong with having an additional kid as long as their mother was accompanying them. However, meeting Jyoti was quite an eye-opener for me in understanding what some of my kids may have faced as they grow up at home. Since her mother was busy attending to the youngest daughter, Jyoti's care was left to Amrita. Amrita being a child herself and having no experience in handling kids did exactly what she saw her parents do at home - asking Jyoti...

It was a typical day at school. After finishing the last lesson and seeing the children off, I went to the Principal's cabin to sign out for the day. When I was there, I realized something was amiss. Two set of parents had been called and there was a frantic hunt on in the neighbourhood for their children. From the conversation between the Principal, parents and supervisor, I figured out what had transpired. One of our kids in a TFI classroom was thrown in the sewage drain flowing behind the school. What was more shocking was that he was thrown in the drain by none other than two of our school's senior students from grade X. While the ones who committed the crime escaped then, they were soon identified and reported to the school authorities. I had reached the scene while this hunt was on. The children guilty of the act were brought to the school by their relatives. The conversation between parents, school staff and these students started on an interrogatory tone. They were...

I love what I currently do. The problem with loving what you do is that you are always thinking about it - for me 'it' is my classroom. I have only felt partially detached from my work when I am running - focusing all my thoughts and energy on finishing the extra lap. That has not happened much off late. Since nothing else is equally effective, my personal time has not entirely been my own. However today, miraculously, I was able to cut myself off for the whole 108 minutes of watching 'Before Midnight'. If you like a rosy fast paced romance with its highs and lows making way for a happy ending, this is NOT the movie for you. If your idea of a romantic movie is one that combines the colours of a strong rationale and authentic emotion against a backdrop of reality, then 'Before Midnight' is a must watch. Richard Linklater is exceptional as director (again!) and Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy have stayed brutally true to their character portrayal of Jesse and Celin...

I am moving on from a well paying managerial job in an MNC to a fellowship in a non-profit organization that pays a meagre stipend. As the news spreads through my company, I am greeted by more and more reactions stating how I have got my priorities right early in my life and how it is a noble course to take. It was humbling when a colleague and friend  (who was high) confessed to others at a party that I was the only man there who had the courage to listen to the voice of his heart and follow it. I appreciate all the encouragement and am glad many have been supportive of my decision.  As I talk to more people with a background similar to mine, each of them mention the choice they had in their past when they could have taken a path that led to the destination of their calling, but didn't. However, they never delve into the reasons. Standing at the same cross road as they did then and putting myself in their shoes, I look at the alternate path that lies ahead of m...

While the latest Pepsi campaign resonated the restlessness of emotions among the youth today, I think it can be equally extended to elders in matters of  pushing young men and women in their twenties into a marital commitment. And their impatience existed a long before Gen Y came to be known for it. Till around six months ago, my parents and I were hounded by restless relatives to become active participants in the extremely competitive bride hunt that was on in the community for the few marriageable young women left. "Dus crore ki party hai, haath se mat jaane dena", said one aunty. Another tried to sow seeds of suspicion in their head "Kahin uska affair toh nahin? You know XYZ ke saath kya hua tha na?" And an uncle interrogated my parents trying to uncover why they wouldn't look for a prospect for me for an whole hour. I stopped attending any function that would get me in the audible range of one of these matchmakers. So then they had more advice when I acci...

There are moments in your life that remain frozen in your memory for ever, moments that you can call upon to pull you out of the deepest abyss, moments that can make you feel calm in a storm. For me it all happened during that one night exactly three years ago - I found a powerful memory good enough for my own Patronus charm. Like most happier moments, it was  served when I least expected it. The thinker in me had almost had his own way. The mission of the current trip was accomplished - my 'special' friend was smiling again.The good byes had been said and the stage had been set for a more meticulous execution - at least six months to plan an elaborate announcement of my love for her, probably in a much grander setting. Fortunately for the foolish romantic in me, God had his own surprise in store. I, the schemer, became only a character in His plot. Fog had blanketed Delhi making it impossible for my flight to land. I was sent back to Bangalore, her ci...

The mail subject reads "Congratulations". It is a simple word, of which I heard a lot this week at my engagement. However, it didn't hold as much meaning then as it held now. Then, I was getting a stamp of public approval on my relationship, which would have had no impact on how things would turn out between us in the long run. Now, I was getting a licence to make my dream a reality - a dream that will add meaning to my life, that will allow me to impact the larger problem in my own small way, that will teach me lessons for a lifetime, that will set me free and above all, that will make me a better person, a stronger person. On reading the mail, I ran to the bathroom and screamed. A few tears rolled down my eyes. At the same time, I was also smiling. I wished I had the one person, who had made me believe in the dream, with me. Of the memories that I vividly remember, only one other had managed to bring out such emotions in me - when I had told this same person what she...

Today, I can understand what must be going through Arnold H. Glasow's mind when he quoted the above statement. I took the first step in my journey towards excellence, moving away from mediocrity. I have been excellent in the past - when I have given those speeches in the debates I have won, when I have got my class of novices together to perform and to win a street play competition, when I have accepted nothing less than perfection from my club teams during certain events or when I have deleted 95% of my photographs because they haven't made the cut. My focus on excellence had reduced only recently in the corporate environment, where the means often don't justify the ends. In some way, the mediocre way of thinking had started seeping into the other activities of my life. It felt good to make an attempt at being excellent again today. It  would be over stating my performance, but I would at least take a great deal of pride in saying that "I put in my best." T...

The sun had nearly reached the horizon. The weather had turned a notch cooler than it had been at mid-day due to the drizzle that prevailed over the past few hours. A brook was meandering through a lush grassland. It could not be seen but the sound of flowing water could be heard at a distance. In addition to the invisible stream of water was a dying stream of colours, flowing from the skies to the earth as a rainbow. In contrast to the multiple shades of the rainbow, the grass was of a monotonous but fresh green tinge. Parts of each standing blade were magnified at points where the drops of rain had settled, glowing under the light of the sun. Some of the blades were trampled along paths used by walkers, but today, they lay deserted except for his presence. One of the paths falling directly in line with the sun was lit by its now soothing light. Her silhouette emerged at a distance, rising along the slope of that path. She was running to him, just like the many sparrows rushing to the...

Dear Love, I hear you have been busy. I don't know if you know but you have recently visited (or in some case revisited) some of my friends and infected them with the affliction that they don't understand. How can they feel self assured with your presence in their life if they can't comprehend you? If they can't find assurance themselves, they look towards their friends, ordinary people like me, who to say the least can only give them a third person's perspective on the whole issue. How can a third person give a perspective on how love should be? How can anyone define it? Isn't it unique to every two people who are or have ever been in love? The irony is that they think you have to be understood before they can embrace you, while it is the embrace that brings the understanding. On another note, the more I hear of you, the more I wonder what makes you tick in the hearts of people. Why a person chooses another can never be fully explained by anyone, including th...

My first attempt at writing a song...read on! The strings of a guitar, that hum a song of the soul Mending a broken heart, bringing a ray of hope The colours of a picture, that create an array of emotions, Giving a different shade, to every place and face They can only be one's true love Love that never loses sheen A passion so pristine Feeling happier Never torn apart They can only be one's true love The moves of a dance, express a little story A story of romance, of pride and of joy The words of a poem, add a new meaning Creating different pictures, in every other reader They can only be one's true love Love that never loses sheen A passion so pristine Feeling happier Never torn apart They can only be one's true love Feeling happier Never torn apart PS: Dedicated to all our passions...