Whispering Shadow

When people are 300 seconds away from their death, research shows that there is a surge in electrical activity in the brain. Neurons are communicating rapidly with each other. Multiple parts of the brain light up in a manner the person was very much alive and dreaming. We don't know what these dreams are, but based on the experiences of people with near-death experiences,  we know they are likely to lucidly see the experiences that have shaped their being. My dadi is critically ill due to a fall and in the Intensive Care Unit. As a family, we are clear we don't want to extend her suffering. On receiving the news, my partner shared this reflection on death with me. I thought it would be good to send her a last wish, in the form of dreams I would like her to dream about, as she breathes her last breath. One of her strongest memories is of her ancestral home, that she left behind at the age of 14 years due to the partition of pre-independence India. She would dream about the acr...

D turned two this quarter. Another year with her has passed quickly, but the days (and some nights) have felt incredibly long. As a dad, I have been reflecting on our journey. Witnessing her growth and forming a unique connection with her has been joyful. At the same time, I have often felt all my other identities and needs taking a backseat over D. This was a price both P and I were willing to pay when we decided to have a child. Her third year will be a lot more about us intentionally reclaiming some personal space. (TL; DR) D has come a long way from being a fully dependent blob of life to being her own person with her unique personality, interests, needs and wants. The most heartening aspect of the last year has been her increased communication repertoire in English - her ability to gather preliminary context, offer thoughtful reactions, empathise and share. Seeing her go, "Oh no, mummy has a boo-boo," or "I will help you, Pappa," or imitating animal sounds has ...

A lot has happened since I wrote my last update. We moved into a new house and set it up from scratch. I joined and left my first global job in the Netherlands to find another in my dream organisation. They may sound like two things, but they contain a million tasks and many highs and lows. Revisiting my last update ,  I have felt more connected and present with D, and I prioritised my well-being again through an important life choice.  Updates on D D's physical, mental and emotional growth is incredible to witness. Besides what I shared last time , she can: Climb furniture with ease and balance herself cautiously near the edges Hang like a monkey on a beam or our hands  Make sentences with 2-4 words  Recognise when she wants to poop and get into her squatting posture (time for potty training is near!) Respond to social cues demonstrating mirroring of emotions ["Look baby crying" with a frown on seeing another child crying; bursts out laughing while watching a funny ...

D turned 1.5 years old yesterday. The highlight of the last quarter has been her tremendous learning curve and the curiosity underlying that! The lowlight has been the quality of my presence with her. Moving continents has meant moving our entire lives into a brand-new setting. It has required tremendous mental and physical energy, leaving little headspace to offer to D beyond the basics of cleaning, feeding, playing and sleeping. This post is an opportunity to pause and notice our journey together! D the Sponge D's soaking in stimuli from her environment like a sponge.  She surprises us by using new words and making connections daily, even though we are not explicitly teaching her. She watches a song on her tablet or a picture in her book, and then uses the word she learned from the song to identify real-world objects. She can identify and express her needs and preferences. For instance, she tells us what she feels like eating - "anna" (rice), "bundoom" (mushro...

D has grown more in the last three months in her cognitive, social and emotional skills than last year. It has been a privilege to see these growth jumps, whether it is responding to the question ("What is your name?"), following instructions ("Go bring your shoes"), or demonstrating empathy (She said "No, no" with a frown when the baby elephant was being put in its enclosure for the night in The Elephant Whisperers). I marvel at the curiosity, compassion and connection innate to children and how they are not shy to embody it. When D is awake, she is always in motion and keeps us on our toes. Physically, it is draining for all of us. When she is tired, she is cranky and often throws tantrums. Toddlers do that a lot. We have both been able to respond to her with gentleness and centredness. All the inner work has paid off! Being Present My mind space has been more scattered than in the earlier quarters with D. We are moving countries in a couple of months, w...

D turned one this week. While she hits new milestones every now and then, we felt nostalgic and proud as parents to have made it so far, feeling harmony and love in our hearts and exhaustion in our bodies.  The last three months have seen her taking her first steps, saying her first words with a clear meaning attached to them (ta-ta, hi), communicating nonverbally and eating an increasingly wide palette of food. It has been a joy and wonder to watch her learn and develop new skills and abilities, and react to a wide range of stimuli in her world.  While D's progress has always been visible to us, we are particularly proud of the progress we have made as parents. We have learned to let go. Let go of control: We have resisted the urge to impose a routine on her and let her learn to listen to her body and respect its cues.   Let go of fear: We have become mindful of every time we say 'no' and understand the fears from which the 'no' is truly coming. When it is a real...

The last three months of the parenting journey have been joyful at one end. D has become more emotionally responsive to our cues, so it has been fun to interact with her, laugh with her and play with her. On the other hand, we have been having bouts of back-to-back viral infections which have disrupted our routines and impacted our energy levels. Both P and I have been in limbo over the uncertainty of our upcoming career transitions. While it has nothing to do with parenting, it has affected the quality of our presence with her. (TL; DR) If I had to choose one quarter I would want to closely witness in D's life so far, it would have to be the last three months. She is growing rapidly and learning new skills every week now. She has become much more mobile and sure-footed, transitioning from sitting to crawling to standing. She is learning to construct more and more sounds with her mouth. Her ability to handle objects has increased significantly. Seeing her learn from and respond to ...