How is it going, daddy? (4/n)

D turned one this week. While she hits new milestones every now and then, we felt nostalgic and proud as parents to have made it so far, feeling harmony and love in our hearts and exhaustion in our bodies. 

The last three months have seen her taking her first steps, saying her first words with a clear meaning attached to them (ta-ta, hi), communicating nonverbally and eating an increasingly wide palette of food. It has been a joy and wonder to watch her learn and develop new skills and abilities, and react to a wide range of stimuli in her world. 

While D's progress has always been visible to us, we are particularly proud of the progress we have made as parents. We have learned to let go.

• Let go of control: We have resisted the urge to impose a routine on her and let her learn to listen to her body and respect its cues.  
• Let go of fear: We have become mindful of every time we say 'no' and understand the fears from which the 'no' is truly coming. When it is a real question of safety, we prefer distraction to denial. 
• Let go of assigning meaning: We have also become mindful of labelling and projecting intention to her actions. There is no motive behind her actions and behavior. She is just acting out of curiosity and learning to form her sense of identity and independence.
• Let go of guilt: We have created space to keep activities that nourish us alive - whether it is Netflix, working out, being in nature, etc. - and not feel guilty about stepping away from work or D.

It is not that we let go perfectly, but we do catch ourselves within the same day on most occasions and course correct. Our daily reflection and feedback ritual helps. 

We use our daily reflection ritual also to induce positivity. We celebrate the small things and express gratitude for them. We make it a point to thank each other when someone steps up for child care while the other wraps up work. This prevents us from taking each other for granted. We recognise moments with D that give us joy - when she cannot curtail her laughter for something silly - or that give us peace and love - feeling her warm embrace as she sleeps on our shoulder when she is unwell, instead of her bed. It helps us anchor ourselves in positivity instead of fixating on fatigue, frustration and resentment.

I wake up every morning, reminding myself what a gift it is to be alive in this world and, more so, to be alive with the ones I love. As I have internalised this feeling, I have found it to be the ultimate anchor on the most turbulent days. 

The first year of parenthood has given me the motivation and practice ground to embody wellbeing. I have learned to become more accepting and more compassionate towards myself and others. I could not have anticipated this steep learning curve when we started this journey, so I feel gratitude for this experience. 

Lastly, I share this reflection with humility. I recognise how this experience has been made possible because of the support of my partner, my family and my peers and colleagues at work. It is a result of my practices and my enabling conditions, and if you are a parent and reading this article, it is okay to be wherever you are. We do not raise our children, but grow with our children, at our own pace.