How is it going, daddy? (8/n)

D turned two this quarter. Another year with her has passed quickly, but the days (and some nights) have felt incredibly long. As a dad, I have been reflecting on our journey. Witnessing her growth and forming a unique connection with her has been joyful. At the same time, I have often felt all my other identities and needs taking a backseat over D. This was a price both P and I were willing to pay when we decided to have a child. Her third year will be a lot more about us intentionally reclaiming some personal space. (TL; DR)

D has come a long way from being a fully dependent blob of life to being her own person with her unique personality, interests, needs and wants. The most heartening aspect of the last year has been her increased communication repertoire in English - her ability to gather preliminary context, offer thoughtful reactions, empathise and share. Seeing her go, "Oh no, mummy has a boo-boo," or "I will help you, Pappa," or imitating animal sounds has brought so much joy. She even gets her grammar right most of the time. She is also beginning to understand Dutch and Hindi, but we have not made much headway with our mother tongues. Besides her social skills and sense of self, she feels increasingly comfortable in her body, trying things she hasn't done before - jumping, swinging, making faces, playing in the snow, etc. has been immense fun.

D has developed a stronger attachment to us as parents than in her first year. She is constantly scanning our whereabouts when we are out of sight, calling out to us to ensure we have not left her unattended. While P is still her primary go-to person, especially in sickness, I take comfort in being her second favourite. Every day, she expects me to receive her at the door when she returns from her daycare with her mom. Being the better and more efficient cook, she comes to me with requests for what she wants to eat. And then, she joins me in watching animal videos and grooming our cat. She has also learnt to mock me for fun, just like I tease her. ("Pappa, this is mine" and then runs away at lightning speed, expecting me to chase her). 

The more she has grown attached to us, the less she is comfortable with strangers. A year ago, she would go to most people who made her feel safe and cared for, but that circle has shrunk considerably. This has also created challenges with the increased demands on P's and my time and attention. Combined with our full-time jobs and the lack of local familial support, it leaves us with little personal space. 

Some of the prices we have paid to adapt are reduced sleep (especially P, who still breastfeeds her), lesser creative and physical rest (activities that energise us - like working out, writing, reading, and travelling) and minimal socialising outside work (meeting friends and new people). We intend to change this, so we have already started 2024 planning our vacations, exploring fitness options, and making time every month to meet or connect with friends. Weaning D off and potty-training her are also on our radar. We also resolved to go on dates every month since October '23 and have met our commitment to ourselves. 

While making these plans, P and I know children get independent fast. I was talking to a friend whose 6-year-old doesn't want her to even be a fly on the wall during her playtime with peers. Hence, P and I are savouring this dependence and exclusive time while being mindful of our personal needs. We know this too shall pass, so we better make the most of it.

Embarking on this journey, we were aware this would be not only the hardest and longest but also the most rewarding project of our married life. I am grateful that P and I continue to communicate consistently and evolve our short-term and medium-term approaches to parenting together. In the process, we discover more about ourselves and one another and find ways to keep our spark alive. Stay tuned to track our progress on reclaiming our lives while becoming better parents.