How is it going, daddy? (6/n)

D turned 1.5 years old yesterday. The highlight of the last quarter has been her tremendous learning curve and the curiosity underlying that! The lowlight has been the quality of my presence with her. Moving continents has meant moving our entire lives into a brand-new setting. It has required tremendous mental and physical energy, leaving little headspace to offer to D beyond the basics of cleaning, feeding, playing and sleeping. This post is an opportunity to pause and notice our journey together!

D the Sponge

D's soaking in stimuli from her environment like a sponge. 

• She surprises us by using new words and making connections daily, even though we are not explicitly teaching her. She watches a song on her tablet or a picture in her book, and then uses the word she learned from the song to identify real-world objects.
• She can identify and express her needs and preferences. For instance, she tells us what she feels like eating - "anna" (rice), "bundoom" (mushrooms), "bibbit" (erstwhile biscuit, now stroopwafels), "dahi" (curd), etc. She makes requests and demands of us, too  - "Open na" when she wants us to open the door to the backyard.
• She can tune into her sensations and describe her experience too - cold-hot, tight-loose, dirty-clean - and express it visibly with a facial reaction.
• She is even setting clear boundaries. The word 'no' is used more often than 'yes' - the trend makes me reflect on how I use these two words with her.

While it is normal for children at this age to do most of what I described, it is fascinating to see the living but helpless blob from 18 months ago evolve so much! I am grateful for all her interactions with children and adults from our neighbourhood and the rich media she can access in print and online (good books rooted in our context are always welcome gifts). 

On the flip side, with age have also come tantrums. We have done okay so far in responding to them to prevent complete meltdowns. We usually try to understand her wants and offer alternatives until one is acceptable. We never leave her unattended in such moments. After all, she throws a tantrum with us because she treats us as her family.

The Toll of the Transition

The main event of the last quarter was our transition to the Netherlands from India. Moving is one of the most stressful life events, and moving continents with a little one and a cat is even more stressful. It took detailed planning and effective and agile execution to make the shift happen.  All of it required tremendous energy. Working around the uncertainty of our visa arrival, the fright of nearly losing my cat, and the treatment for category 3 animal bites in the last week before our departure was both stressful and draining. But we all made it safely to our new home in Utrecht. Hurray!

I see my mental absence from D's life with much compassion. 

• There is only so much we can do as humans. We have limited reserves. Moving comes with a million decisions to take and things to do, which depletes these reserves heavily. Not having energy for D for this phase was expected and absolutely okay. 
• We can also do so little alone. I was lucky to have family, and our house helps, who are like family, support us. D may not have had as much time with me, but her quality of care was unimpacted. I will make up for the attention deficit in the months ahead.

Course Correcting

I deprioritised myself more than D. It did not help that I let go of my many well-being rituals. Breaking the rhythm of multiple practices for physical and mental health made every event seem more stressful and worse than it actually was. Thankfully, the gratitude practice persisted even on the toughest of days and was helpful in reframing adversities as they happened.

As I begin work tomorrow, I hope to return to a routine. In addition, I want to re-commit to several rituals. Even if I do each for 2 minutes daily, I will maintain the rhythm.

• Reconnecting with my breath every morning 
• A daily workout
• Mindful labour while cooking or cleaning
• An evening bike ride or walk with Pallavi and D amidst nature
• End-of-day gratitude and journaling

A dear friend had told me - to do the work, we have to do THE work. I had forgotten THE work for a brief window - and paid the price for it. As I nurture my inner world, my presence in everything, including in my time with D will automatically get restored. Onwards and inwards!