How is it going daddy? (3/n)

The last three months of the parenting journey have been joyful at one end. D has become more emotionally responsive to our cues, so it has been fun to interact with her, laugh with her and play with her. On the other hand, we have been having bouts of back-to-back viral infections which have disrupted our routines and impacted our energy levels. Both P and I have been in limbo over the uncertainty of our upcoming career transitions. While it has nothing to do with parenting, it has affected the quality of our presence with her. (TL; DR)

If I had to choose one quarter I would want to closely witness in D's life so far, it would have to be the last three months. She is growing rapidly and learning new skills every week now. She has become much more mobile and sure-footed, transitioning from sitting to crawling to standing. She is learning to construct more and more sounds with her mouth. Her ability to handle objects has increased significantly. Seeing her learn from and respond to her world and live in perpetual wellbeing made me write this post about her.

Gone are the days we could leave her engaged with a toy while relaxing next to her. Her growing skills and energy levels have meant much more work for us. We cannot leave her unattended at all. She is too young to understand what is safe and unsafe; therefore, we must be constantly vigilant. Even though we may feel spent, she always has reserves of energy that she wants to expand by wandering around the house. At least one adult is constantly on their toes for her. I feel so grateful for our support system, between her grandmom, her nanny and us, that makes the situation manageable!

What has been difficult is dealing with illness. I am feeling quite fatigued with the bouts of viral infections and the slow recovery to normalcy from them.  Both D and P haven't escaped them either. As a result, my exercise routine has broken, making my allergies more frequent. Currently, P and I work 5-6 hours a day, so thankfully, we have the space for rest and recovery. It would have been challenging if we had been in a fast-paced 9-5 job. 

Lastly, our timelines to move abroad and the country of relocation have both been uncertain. Only when P has a confirmed offer can we begin planning for our move abroad. This has caused a sense of limbo on the work front. I feel non-committal to new initiatives because don't know whether I will be there to see them through. At the same time, I feel the need to grow and try new things at work. I want to plan for my career ahead, but I can't do that until I know where we are going. It has made my mind wander between the present and future, affecting my mindfulness when I am with D.

I know the ideas of growth, commitment, and learning are man-made constructs. Regardless of whether I do something new, my work is still very meaningful and supportive. Besides, I have the opportunity and time to be a more present and supportive father and participate in various path-breaking communities for learning. 

At the core, I have to learn to let go of wanting to do more, and just be - but that is easier said than done. Even today, while I am unwell and taking time off from work and D, I feel the urge to do something meaningful - so I am writing this blog. 

Human beings evolved having a large amount of idle time between hunting, eating and resting. The 24x7 productivity paradigm is the gift of the last 50 years and that has shaped the mindsets of those born in this era. We have to step away from it to create time for healing ourselves, our relationships and our planet. Cognitively, I understand this well, but I keep returning to my automatic response in my lived reality. Then again, I have to tell myself that it is a journey.