Whispering Shadow

Many people have come to me with this request. To save myself the time, I am writing this FAQ post based on my own experience till now. Before reading this I would suggest you go through the  Teach for India homepage to know the basics. Why people join TFI?  My friends and I had a combination of different reasons to join the fellowship. Some of us joined the fellowship to make a difference - what better way to change mindsets than positively influencing young minds. Some of us wanted to build perspective about the problems of inequity in education and opportunity in India through the grassroot experience offered by the fellowship. Some of us wanted to push ourselves to new limits to develop our leadership skills. Some of us wanted a sense of purpose and meaningful impact in the work. Some of us wanted a challenge.  Some of us just wanted to take a break from the monotony of a corporate job. Some of us wanted to change the way children learn based on our own...

I have had an incredibly hectic week. I have had many moments where I wanted to blog but I never found the time during the weekdays. I have 6 hours left before I go to a cousin's wedding and loads of work to complete before I leave. However, I want to gather my thoughts before they are lost in the melee of the upcoming week. We are making a difference I had been offering a lift to a boy from our school who stays a few blocks away from my house, whenever I saw him waiting at the bus stop on the route that takes me to school. On reaching school, he would get off the rickshaw and walk off without turning back and saying thank you. This boy was not one of those in the Teach for India classrooms. Last Wednesday, I offered a lift to a girl from one of the TFI classrooms. On reaching school, she got off the rickshaw and waited. Once I had paid the fare, she told me a thank you, wished me good morning and left with a smile. No matter how challenging everyday in class seems and no m...

I finally struck of the most important of my to do list. It said "Make a comprehensive to-do list." I have always been a 'lists' person. I make lists both for work and personal life. My dependence on them has increased more as a teacher because there is always much to do and much more gets added every single day. If you want to make the most of everyday, I feel it is best you don't spend time drifting through the seconds, minutes and hours. I was struggling to cope up with the first few days of school as I was taking it one day at a time considering the flurry of changes in plans and classroom structure. I was also suffering from the hangover of a superb holiday. Three days of school and not surprisingly, the latter has disappeared. I have spent the whole of last evening on my action plan. Now that I have the to-do list, I suddenly find there is more mind space to focus on 'doing' rather than 'thinking about doing'. Not that all the tasks ar...

I have been travelling for the last 10 days in the lap of Himalayas – Uttarakhand. Time and again, during the travels I have had thoughts and afterthoughts which I have been waiting to pen down. Now that I have finally time to access my laptop, I am going to write a brief summary of everything. Thought #1: You are smaller than you think. I had seen the three pronged peak called Trishul many times during the course of my five hours journey to Kausani. This peak was a part of  the tallest mountainous terrain in the world, the Himalayas. What remained hidden behind the mountain, on which Kausani is perched, came into full view only when my car took a hairpin turn on a road in the city. Within a matter of minutes, a 300 kilometre long wall of the Himadri range presented itself to me. The peaks were numerous and covered in snow. At my eye level, they seemed to be only marginally taller than Kausani itself, but on further reading, I found out that the peaks on an average were...

Alisha, one of my ever-curious students, came up to me and asked me if I was a Muslim. I asked her how it mattered. Immediately came the next question, "Bhaiya, do you believe in God?" she asked.  Knowing Alisha, I knew she would remain relentless in her interrogation. In the spirit of maintaining transparency with my students, I honestly told her "I don't in most cases, I do in some." She continued her inquiry by asking me, "What do you believe in then?" I told her I believe in reason, logic or science in most cases. She asked me then, "When do you believe in God?"  I thought for a few seconds and then asked her "There are many questions to which science does not know the answer. For example, from where did the first things in our universe come from? When it comes to questions like this, I think there is God's magic at work somewhere." She finally stopped asking her questions. As is the case with all religious conversations my...

Being the person I am, I am continuously discontent with the state of things unless they reach near perfection. Some people work till they get it right. Some people work till they never get it wrong. I fall in the latter category. The role of a teacher has put this spirit to test  - and frankly - I find it incredibly hard to be gentle on myself. However, in accordance with my mid-term self-assessment, I want to take note of positives that have been in this semester: 1) The Artists Project:  We started a project where kids are exposed to and trained in one of four art skills - dancing and drama, art and crafts, painting or public speaking for leadership. We only managed to have the selections and introductory sessions in this semester - and I am happy that the kids left the rooms excited waiting to see what was in store for them next semester. 2) Keeping the bar high:  I set extremely high expectations with my class. I was strict with the rules and task adherence. The...

Dear Kapil, You have completed one and a half month in your class now. You have had long and arduous days. Some days have brought joy and some have brought disappointments. No one said it was going to be easy to be a teacher. Everyone said it would be satisfying - that it has been! Over the last few days, I have had the opportunity to zoom out from the details and look at the wider picture. Here are some of my observations that may help you!! You have just seen the tip of the ice berg when it comes to the magnitude of work that lies ahead of you. Your kids have an incredibly long way to go till you can be sure they are on a purposeful and different life path. Change will be slow. Change will be painful. However, change is inevitable if you believe and act as per those beliefs. Change will also catch pace once you have mastered a few teacher tricks and techniques. Be gentle on yourself. There will be things within your control and things outside your control. You have always been...

Ahmed is a student in my class. He is a tiny kid with an infectious smile. He has a penchant for getting into trouble and hurting himself. Being hyperactive doesn't help his cause. As much as he is a distraction while teaching, I have not lowered my expectations of him in the class when it comes to behaviour. I have invested a lot of time in talking to him and his mother to build a connect. This Wednesday was the first day he showed a strong improvement in his task adherence in class and I was happy that something was finally working. Having met his mother a few times, I know he comes from the lowest of the the low income households that my students belong to. He lives in a small rented temporary accommodation with his parents and two sisters - one elder and one younger. His father makes hats for a living. His father's income is not regular and strictly governed by the off take in shops. His mother helps his father when demand peaks so that they can maximize their income. My...

It was a typical day at school. After finishing the last lesson and seeing the children off, I went to the Principal's cabin to sign out for the day. When I was there, I realized something was amiss. Two set of parents had been called and there was a frantic hunt on in the neighbourhood for their children. From the conversation between the Principal, parents and supervisor, I figured out what had transpired. One of our kids in a TFI classroom was thrown in the sewage drain flowing behind the school. What was more shocking was that he was thrown in the drain by none other than two of our school's senior students from grade X. While the ones who committed the crime escaped then, they were soon identified and reported to the school authorities. I had reached the scene while this hunt was on. The children guilty of the act were brought to the school by their relatives. The conversation between parents, school staff and these students started on an interrogatory tone. They were...

I was telling her about my lesson on "Characteristics of Living Things" in which I taught my kids about 7 vital characteristics which all living things show - nutrition, reproduction, respiration, growth, movement, excretion and sensitivity. There were seven, yes, but these seven did not explain how the basic element 'fire' was not a living thing. Being neuroscientist in the making, I thought she would have a better answer for KIDS. She left me with an answer and an afterthought. This was what she told me: First of all, these seven characteristics are not shown by ALL living things. For example, viruses do not show most of them. Viruses are said to be the bridge between the non living and the living. You should read these articles I am sending you to understand that. Secondly, the most consistent and measurable characteristic of a living things that their level of entropy actively keeps reducing. And then I get a quote from the wiki article stating: Later, b...

I love what I currently do. The problem with loving what you do is that you are always thinking about it - for me 'it' is my classroom. I have only felt partially detached from my work when I am running - focusing all my thoughts and energy on finishing the extra lap. That has not happened much off late. Since nothing else is equally effective, my personal time has not entirely been my own. However today, miraculously, I was able to cut myself off for the whole 108 minutes of watching 'Before Midnight'. If you like a rosy fast paced romance with its highs and lows making way for a happy ending, this is NOT the movie for you. If your idea of a romantic movie is one that combines the colours of a strong rationale and authentic emotion against a backdrop of reality, then 'Before Midnight' is a must watch. Richard Linklater is exceptional as director (again!) and Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy have stayed brutally true to their character portrayal of Jesse and Celin...

People had told me that I won't have the time to write at institute. I had always thought I would find time to write, despite the hectic pace of the schedule. I was wrong. The five weeks I spent at the institute preparing for my teaching stint were the longest of my life in many ways. They seemed long because my day was packed from 7AM in the morning till 11PM in the night. They seemed long because of the over whelming amount of information that was shared with us. They seemed long because of how much I learned. They seemed long because of the number of highs and lows that were packed in them - as many as there would have been in a typical year of  'normal' living. They seemed long because I was cut off from the world and the people I love in a manner I had never been before. Above all, they seemed long because I feel I know and trust the people I met here at the same level as I have known and trusted my closest friends. These five weeks seemed long, but they were unfo...

I finally met half of the 140 sixth graders I will be teaching over the next two years, along with my team of three other fellows. Majority of them have been with Teach for India for four years but initial assessment results have shown that they lag behind their grade level considerably (some at an emergent level - which means at a KG level of reading fluency). Reasons for low achievement levels have been aplenty and at this point, I do not have enough information to deduce which of those are facts and which opinions. Let me present some of the facts.My school is run by a large Shia trust and is one of the largest in the Shivaji Nagar area. The class is mostly composed of Shia Muslims (around 60-70%) and Sunni Muslims (around 30-35%) and one-two Hindu student. An intriguing thing is that the school is next to one of the largest dumping grounds in the Chembur-Ghatkopar area - in which people claim bodies of victims of the gang violence are found. This gang violence is a reason why pa...

With the monsoon, begins my new journey as a teacher. I can't wait to head to Pune and start the process of learning to become one. I don't think five weeks can prepare me for everything there is to teaching. I don't think five decades are enough for that!! But yes, I will learn to independently manage a classroom, to teach kids creatively so that they learn faster than they otherwise would and to utilize the resources available to me to keep improving in the classroom.  Like nature welcomes the rains without hesitance, I will open my mind to ideas, opinions and people that will help me build new perspectives. Like the streams of water trickling down the slope in the forest, I will find my way through or around problems, no matter how tough or long the path is. Like the first offshoot of grass that breaks its way through the hardened soil, I will start breaking the mould I have built around me, thanks to an education and career that has taught me and sometimes forced me ...

This question is not the same as "What do I want to accomplish in the two years of the fellowship?" While its answer may partially overlap with the reasons for which I am joining Teach for India  (learning to be a teacher, working at the grassroot level in an entrepreneurial way, networking with like minded people, building leadership qualities), it is still incomplete. What I wish to take away from the classroom cannot be summed up in big words like these. It is not about surviving the two years ordeal and proving to myself that I made it. I can be mediocre and disinterested and live through far worse. I will still have these points on my resume. It is making each of the 700 days count, celebrating small victories and learning from every setback - making myself more tenacious. It is about making friends with 30 children and helping them discover their potential further - learning to become approachable, fair and less judgmental. It is about removing the roadblocks in t...

एक ज़िन्दगी है जीने के लिए  फिर डर डर के बिताये क्यूँ ? कई रास्तें हैं चलने के लिए  गलत राह पे समय गवाएं क्यूँ? आज दिल की आवाज़  सुनों,  कल शोर और भी होगा। आज नए ख्वाब बुनों, कल ज़िम्मेदारी का भोज भी होगा। अन्धकार है बहुत दुनिया में हर एक लौ अमूल्य है  खुद को उज्जवल किये बिना  तेरे अस्तित्व का क्या मूल्य है?. हम सबको एक दिन राक बनकर  मिट्टी में मिल जाना है। फिर आग में जलने से क्यूँ डरना  जब मरने से पहले मोक्ष पाना है? PS: This is the first Hindi post on my blog. I don't remember whether I even wrote in Hindi after school. Having shared a Hindi poem with my friend led to a conversation in Hindi verses, which became the inspiration for the rest of this poem. In retrospect, I think when it comes to writing poetry, Hindi is a much better language than English - inherently poetic. 

I was in grade four. I had to read the 'thought for the day' in the school assembly, my first experience in public speaking. It w as two simple sentences - “A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.” The host introduced me when my turn came. Needless to say, I was nervous. The teacher who had  nominated me for the task literally pushed me on the dais. I went up to the stage and without adjusting the microphone, read the quote, fumbled with a two- three words (25% of all I had in my kitty) said a thank you and rushed off the dais. Aft er I walked off the stage, the next speaker spoke. Once he finished, my housemaster came up to me and said - "You read well. Did you notice how he spoke (pointing to the next speaker)? You must take a few cues from him to become even better." That was a big moment - my housemaster had personally acknowledged my presence. The onus was on me to live up to his expectations. From then on, I spoke frequently d...

For a clear blue sky and a warmer day Even the long winters have to make way A gift of nature is unwrapped As the white cover of snow melts away Like a drop of colour on a black and white painting A green off shoot of leaves emerges from hiding The birds return, chirpier than ever Waking the other residents to an early morning While others welcome with open hands Man's tentativeness in his way stands For his priority is his own comfort, and Weather is known for unpredictable trends God thinks of him in a mocking manner "Evolution made you independent and smarter But it took away from you the joy of small things Of which and yours, I will always remain a Master"

Most of these people were loyal to the countries they resided in, with many generations of their family spending all their lives in the same country. They worked as responsible citizens, paid their taxes and lived as per the law of the land. Some had even fought for their countries in the wars that transpired in the decades preceding 1935. They belonged to countries across the length and breadth of Europe (barring a few like Switzerland). There were 9 million of them before the holocaust. Only 3 million remained by 1945. The remaining 6 million, including 3 million men, 2 million women and 1 million children, were killed in over 3 years. Whole families and in many cases villages were destroyed. As a result, we don't even know the names of the many who died - literally the existence of a soul was wiped out from every living memory. If you still haven't guessed who I am talking about, I am talking about the murdered Jews of Europe, the memorial of whom I recently visited in...

The first thing I wear after my morning shower is not an item of clothing nor a perfume, it is my watch because I think it is extremely important to be on time in everything you do. If in the unlikely event where it is not possible, you must at least have the courtesy to inform the concerned parties. However, that is no excuse for being late every time. I am often told I create an unnecessary fuss about being on time. Why shouldn't I? Why should "I will see you at 7PM" mean "I will see you anytime between 7.10PM to 8.00PM"? Why should "I will be there in 5 minutes" mean "I will see you in 20 minutes", unless of course, you are an extraterrestrial from a planet that spins faster or slower than Earth?  The idea of time emerged from the need of having a  standard universal scale to synchronize different activities. Our poly-chromatic perception of time leads to losses of varying nature. The first loss is that of time that could be well uti...

I am moving on from a well paying managerial job in an MNC to a fellowship in a non-profit organization that pays a meagre stipend. As the news spreads through my company, I am greeted by more and more reactions stating how I have got my priorities right early in my life and how it is a noble course to take. It was humbling when a colleague and friend  (who was high) confessed to others at a party that I was the only man there who had the courage to listen to the voice of his heart and follow it. I appreciate all the encouragement and am glad many have been supportive of my decision.  As I talk to more people with a background similar to mine, each of them mention the choice they had in their past when they could have taken a path that led to the destination of their calling, but didn't. However, they never delve into the reasons. Standing at the same cross road as they did then and putting myself in their shoes, I look at the alternate path that lies ahead of m...

While the latest Pepsi campaign resonated the restlessness of emotions among the youth today, I think it can be equally extended to elders in matters of  pushing young men and women in their twenties into a marital commitment. And their impatience existed a long before Gen Y came to be known for it. Till around six months ago, my parents and I were hounded by restless relatives to become active participants in the extremely competitive bride hunt that was on in the community for the few marriageable young women left. "Dus crore ki party hai, haath se mat jaane dena", said one aunty. Another tried to sow seeds of suspicion in their head "Kahin uska affair toh nahin? You know XYZ ke saath kya hua tha na?" And an uncle interrogated my parents trying to uncover why they wouldn't look for a prospect for me for an whole hour. I stopped attending any function that would get me in the audible range of one of these matchmakers. So then they had more advice when I acci...

I am standing at the edge of a cliff. I feel the wind blowing on my face.  I take a deep breath. I smell the saltiness of the ocean whose fragrance the wind carries with it. I decide to execute the plan that I have been coaxing myself into for over a year. I jump of the cliff, diving in the direction of the sea. The few moments of the free fall overwhelm me with emotions. The thrill of adventure. The excitement of speed. The pressure of performing when the stakes are high. The fear of injuring myself.  I am 20 feet above the surface of the water. This is the decisive moment. I pull open my wings. My speed is broken by their span. I change my course gliding over the surface of the water at cruising speed. I reduce my altitude so as to scratch the surface of the sea. The splashes of water on my face are refreshing. I am moving fast. I am moving in the direction of the light.  I am on my own. I am giving a dream its wings. I am free. Song in my head:

It is just another morning. I wake up. I have my routine egg, fruit and cereal breakfast with no sense of urgency or eagerness. I get the first call from my boss while getting ready for work, asking for a piece of data that he should be knowing but probably didn't need to know till his boss asked him. Unlike my initial days in the role, I tell him I will give it to him once I reach office. In the middle of the call, I remember there was an urgent closure that I had been chasing him for for the past few days. I remind him again. He tells me he will discuss it face to face in office. He says he will be there by 10.15AM. As usual, I reach office by 10.00AM. I switch on my computer. While it boots, I update my white board with the tasks I need to finish today, three-fifths of them requiring closure from my boss. I finish checking the plethora of mails that come from two dozen people, deleting probably 30% of them which are inconsequential to my work, flagging the important ones that...

There are moments in your life that remain frozen in your memory for ever, moments that you can call upon to pull you out of the deepest abyss, moments that can make you feel calm in a storm. For me it all happened during that one night exactly three years ago - I found a powerful memory good enough for my own Patronus charm. Like most happier moments, it was  served when I least expected it. The thinker in me had almost had his own way. The mission of the current trip was accomplished - my 'special' friend was smiling again.The good byes had been said and the stage had been set for a more meticulous execution - at least six months to plan an elaborate announcement of my love for her, probably in a much grander setting. Fortunately for the foolish romantic in me, God had his own surprise in store. I, the schemer, became only a character in His plot. Fog had blanketed Delhi making it impossible for my flight to land. I was sent back to Bangalore, her ci...