Thursday, September 25, 2008

ग्रीन सूप फॉर मोब्स्टर्स इंक

I thought of calling it chicken soup but then I didn’t want to offend the vegetarians in any group. I didn’t even use a name of a Chinese variant of the soup because there might be members from the Jain community whose sentiments I might hurt unintentionally. So here I am labeling my next post “Green Soup for Mobster’s Inc” Do I need to tell you why? I do not want to be the next person beaten to death with iron rods by a mob of 60 men in broad day light in a buzzing corporate complex for doing what is required of my job. Lastly, as an added precaution, I will write the title of this post in Devnagri script to prevent the MNS hackers from tearing my blog down. Since all measures are in place, I guess I can start with the recipe now.

Ingredients:
Angry Men – 10-12
Leader – 1 to 2
Victim(s) – Depends on how memorably bloody you want the recipe to be.
Sensationalist News Channels – Even one is enough.

Steps:

  1. Place the leader in a spot that threatens his hold over his domain of work or area of influence.
  2. Light the flame. Give the otherwise idle leader inspiration. The inspiration can be made leader-specific. Here are a few proven methods to inspire:
    Show him clippings of a UP-born actor’s wife talking in Hindi in a public rally and saying that it is always going to be that way.
    Give him records of poor out-castes converting to another faith for a better life.
    A few men who are retrenched from their jobs because the company is downsizing.
  3. The leader’s selfish and sinister mind will automatically come up with a plan to spice up the recipe. This should ideally talk 3-7 days at the most. Add the selected spices to a frying pan.
  4. Once step 3 is over, add an audience the leader likes to the pan in which the spices were put and leave them to his speeches for a few hours. This will spread the bitterness through the dish.
  5. Add the 12 angry men in the pan.
  6. Provide the men with accessories. It can be knives, sickles, sticks, iron rods, cricket bats, hockey sticks, or fire, absolutely anything that can cause pain to others when used with that intention. Retail therapy makes anyone happy.
  7. Give the angry men a target. It can be a person or a group of people or a thing (read a CEO, missionaries, a taxi a cinema).
  8. Leave the angry men on their targets like hyenas chasing pray. Allow them to kill once in a while.
  9. For garnishing add the news channels. Inform a sensationalist news channel well in advance of the action taking place. They will serve it to the masses just as leader has expected.
  10. Garnish with a few statements on national television and print media.

The recipe serves two- the leader and his interests.

Closing Note:
Why discuss when you want to create a big fuss? What is life in front of political turmoil and strife? Why talk when you can kill? The recipe is the easiest way to prove a point in the country today, as popular as two-minute noodles. Try it today!!

6 comments:

Nikita said...

Wow!! Your post sure killed my appetite. The recipe is a definite "sizzler"...food for thought.

Shruti said...

A very thoughtful issue written in an interesting manner..

Pallavi said...

Ordinary people like us who witness all this but feel helpless,are like those bread crumbs which get soaked in that soup which are later devoured by those 'leaders'.
The hesitant police officials and the govt which consciously turns a blind eye are like the spoon that stirs the soup which only enhances its taste further..
An interesting brew which should be served hot!

The Illuminator said...

@Niki
Yeah, bet no cookbook has offered this one.

@Shruti
That was the intention.

@Pal
Be my co-chef!

Sthupit Girl said...

Loved it.

And I'm totally regretting not having been here in ages.


SG.

Seeker of Truth said...

For every petty chieftain who dreams to be Lord and Master,
Public service makes less sense than hired goons who are faster!
Whetting hunger for war's spoils....
A sinister cauldron boils...
With too many crooks stirring this Recipe for Disaster!