Monday, June 09, 2014

And so it begins again...

My school reopens tomorrow after the summer vacations. I am so glad I had the break. It gave me an opportunity to zoom out and think about many things - both related and not-related to the fellowship. It gave me the time to plan keeping in mind where exactly I want to see my children and how I can link my every action with that destination I have decided for them.  With all the thinking came the feeling of being overwhelmed, about how much I had not done in the year gone by and how much more there remains to be done for my kids. I did quite a bit of planning that puts me in a comfortable position as compared to some of the others in my team, but I still feel I haven't done enough to fulfill the vision I have for my kids.

With all the goals that I have set for my kids and the sudden turn of events in my own life, if I achieve 70% of the ambitious short term goals I have set for my kids, I would consider I have done a fair job. In addition, by the end of the year, I would have started a library in school. By the end of the year, I would have finished a project in training teachers in my school. By the end of the year, I would have had packed and moved to another place again. And by the end of the year, I would be married!! Yes, matrimony was the 'sudden turn of event' I was referring to earlier.

Considering what I have learnt at Vipassana recently, I will ensure that I do not judge the result with a sense of pride or disappointment. Whatever percentage of my personal and professional goals I achieve will be a source of inspiration for the future. Whatever percentage I don't will be valuable learning for the future. I have to come back to this post and read it with complete honestly, every time I feel like being hard on myself. The only time I will give myself the permission to chastise myself is when I falter in my effort.

Regardless of what the outcome, I going to come out a stronger person. Awareness and equanimity will be the key to making the difference to my kids and my self.

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