Present Tense(d)
For the past few days, the word that perfectly defines my frame of mind is 'chaos.'
There has never been a time in my life when I have not known what my short term goals are. I have never reached a state in which I am confused about my priorities. What has changed is the fact that I haven't been doing what I should be doing. What I have experienced in the last few days is a loss of direction on the path towards my objectives. What I have seen on one hand is my strengths have become my weakenesses, while on the other, I have found solace in new found beliefs.
Is it because of the feeling of self-doubt? There isn’t any. Is it the dependence of my decisions on factors beyond my control? The thing is I don’t know if these are factors beyond my control. Nonetheless, I believe that I haven’t been able to force myself to see the larger picture. Trying to imagine how big the Earth is looking at a globe is not equivalent to the vision a spacecraft can give you. Sometimes you need to zoom out to see the enormity of the situation. I am just beginning to perceive what has gone wrong. But do I have enough time to set it right? Am I motivated enough to pull through? Only time will tell.
I begin a different phase of my life next week. God has given me a leeway to switch lanes. I don’t know if this lane takes me where I want to go, but I am hoping it will at least bring me closer. One certainty is that it will add an element of organization in my haphazard routine. I hope I learn to make the most of it soon.
There has never been a time in my life when I have not known what my short term goals are. I have never reached a state in which I am confused about my priorities. What has changed is the fact that I haven't been doing what I should be doing. What I have experienced in the last few days is a loss of direction on the path towards my objectives. What I have seen on one hand is my strengths have become my weakenesses, while on the other, I have found solace in new found beliefs.
Is it because of the feeling of self-doubt? There isn’t any. Is it the dependence of my decisions on factors beyond my control? The thing is I don’t know if these are factors beyond my control. Nonetheless, I believe that I haven’t been able to force myself to see the larger picture. Trying to imagine how big the Earth is looking at a globe is not equivalent to the vision a spacecraft can give you. Sometimes you need to zoom out to see the enormity of the situation. I am just beginning to perceive what has gone wrong. But do I have enough time to set it right? Am I motivated enough to pull through? Only time will tell.
I begin a different phase of my life next week. God has given me a leeway to switch lanes. I don’t know if this lane takes me where I want to go, but I am hoping it will at least bring me closer. One certainty is that it will add an element of organization in my haphazard routine. I hope I learn to make the most of it soon.
Comments
One of the problems which I face is staying constantly motivated..time is running out and I need to get my act together..
I'll end my comment by quoting Aamir Khan in the latest Samsung ad "Everyday I challenge myself..pushing my limits..its not the easiest way of living,but it is the finest."
From personal experience, I can tell you that self-doubt is the easiest weapon we can use to kill ourselves. Never, ever doubt yourself [easy to say, hard to implement :) ].
You are actually quite lucky to experience a breakdown of order so early on; it is sure to teach you stuff.
May I know what this new phase of your life is?
and now that you are even working(the different phase of your life that is)...all the very best!:D
@Vishy Work, training and everything around it. Though I wonder if it will leave me with any time at all.
@SS Big words coming from the little [technically young] lady [:P] Keep visiting!
"I begin a different phase of my life next week. God has given me a leeway to switch lanes." At the moment I wish I had only one lane to go by!! You know exactly why!
Hmmm...Everyone is not served on the same platter ;)
@All
Okies, I think I over-did the philosophical part in the post. I am NOT depressed.
I was only a little disappointed with the way things were, but then it was just that. But its good to know people who you know/don't know send out supportive comments. A little bit of motivation is always plus!
@Those who commented for the first time
Welcome to the Shadows. I hope you keep visiting. I too will catch up with your blogs, but I am still learning to make time for it all! Cheers.
you've never not known your short-term goals? i wish i were so lucky. usually i wind up just going with the flow. which isn't a bad thing.