Whispering Shadow

While I haven't been blogging, I have been writing more religiously than ever before in the form of weekly reflections to empty my mind and synthesize my learning. Over the last few months, I have been exploring the many reasons behind why I do what I do. I am going to capture all these reasons in this one post on my blog. Story 1: Students' Self-Awareness  I saw a beautiful example of the connect between the classroom and community, through the learning circle Siddharth conducts every morning with his kids. It was great to see the students discussing issues like "challenges faced by working women" in which Siddharth roped in the guest Ms. Kamal Bajwa, who was accompanying me. Kids asked questions like "What were the problems you faced as student?","What values did you show to overcome them?","Are those values still useful?" (not exactly with this grammar, but headed in this direction). I asked them why their first response to get...

If someone asked me what is the one thing that I would take with me if my house was on fire, I would take all the cards that my students made for me during my fellowship days, especially the ones given on Teacher's Day (like this one or this one ). I would take these cards because they are a reminder of the lives I touched and the lives that touched me, of the seeds of change I planted and the seeds of change that were planted in me. I would take these cards because they reflect the shared value we stood for, students and teacher, together. I would take these cards because they are the most honest expression of emotion that I know. I would take these cards because they are an acknowledgement of the leadership skills I developed and showed as a teacher every single day.  Whilst the other factors were apparent from day one of the fellowship, I wondered, during the initial few months of the fellowship, where the leadership is in creating and sharing a vision (what does that even ...

I was going to school today feeling a sense of finality of everything. The exact same pre-school morning routine. Packing my bag after checking for all the essentials. Meeting the same people in the lift, other children who go to better resourced schools and their parents. Taking a rickshaw to school with the meter reading between Rs.44-46 everyday (as per the latest fare revision - fares changed thrice during the two years). Reaching school before 7:10AM, the time for the first bell. Signing in on the teacher's muster. Leading my class line for the assembly. Being greeted by a "Good Morning" by my students.  Setting up the class for the lesson - the closing lesson of the year. Taking attendance. Executing it to the tee, well almost. The video collage of photographs of some of the key moments of our journey made them realize that this was the last time I was taking a lesson for them. That was when it dawned on them and me that I had only a few minutes left in that class...

The Ups and Downs of the TFI Fellowship in Jafari Off late, I have been thinking a lot about whether my students have made any progress at all . However, I think I was always asking the wrong question . I should have continued to ask myself "What have I learnt? How have I made others feel? What are the bonds that I have made?" I had this realization after speaking to one of the students who was a part of the Maya project in Pune . She told me, "When you think about where you are, you may feel you haven't done an excellent job . At this stage, I would ask you to think about how long and difficult the road you have covered was and what you learnt from it ." Children can unscramble life in the simplest of ways to help you rediscover the 'why' again!

I have spoken a lot about the choices of my kids on my blog. As I approach the final lap of my journey in the classroom, I have been reflecting more deeply on my own choices. It is the choices that I make that I make now that will be my enduring legacy on my students. Till August last year, my co-fellow and I had managed to effectively drive the love of learning, immaculate classroom systems, urgent and thorough collaborative planning, mind-boggling consistency in teacher action and a sense of belonging to a team working towards a shared vision. My classroom was on a path of transformation. Starting September, everything started going downhill. My thought partner, co-teacher and friend quit the school team. My stable class that was on its tipping point of its journey went through three configuration changes. And while all this was happening, I got married and chased my dream job to further take my focus away from the classroom.  If I look back at the last few months, ...

I have little time left with my kids and I have been thinking about what to focus my energy on. There is a huge gap in academic coverage but I don't want to run the risk of covering much with low mastery because it will simply get undone over time. There has been a drop in values demonstrated in class without teacher reinforcement - especially team work, urgency and ownership - that is worrisome. These values certainly need to be restored. At the same time, the children are also falling behind on their extra curricular plans as well as on their journey toward self-awareness. In 30 days, what can I do to re-instill the sense of belief that a great vision is worth striving for. How do I make them maintain that belief even when I am gone? It is not the largest tree but the tree whose roots grow the deepest that will withstand the rough weather. I think I know the answer. Values and a deeper sense of reflective practice are the two most crucial elements to strengthen the roots. That...

Mehak is one of the advanced readers in my classroom who demonstrates a high degree of value based leadership and takes immense pride in her team’s and her own learning. In the month of September 2014, our team was struggling with two out of four fellows in the grade being out of action due to severe illness and the rest of us struggling with our own wellbeing. As a contingency plan, we had to reshuffle fellows among grades 7 and 8 to ensure continuity of learning. Due to the sudden changes in class structures and increased number of students to manage, the quality and quantity of my interaction with my own class fell significantly. I was feeling dejected that I couldn’t finish the term on a high after starting off on a strong footing. Noticing my mood, Mehak wrote to me a letter. Among the many things she wrote, she mentioned how I was the one who told her “how each chapter links to the vision” and “made her goals more clear”; how I showed her the “importance of friendship” by “c...

Our 7th grade team is reduced to half its strength because of which the remaining half, Neerja and I, have had to put in four times the effort in the class. I have personally had a terrible week in terms of engagement and management of the classroom. It is difficult to teach two classes well simultaneously if you are a single teacher. You need extremely strong structures and procedures, which currently don't exist in all the three classes. I have reached that stage again where I have started looking at everything in school negatively. I sometimes begin to wonder if their has been any change at all. I realize that the stress is just overshadowing everything that we have achieved this year. I am going to pause  the frantic pace of work this week to think about each kid in my new class. Alisha CB now comes to school regularly and participates in all classroom activities. Aliya and Mahek have matured into a strong and gritty leaders, learning to manage the different wo...

The monsoon season brings with it the onset of seasonal diseases. A concentrated number of incidents occur in areas which have a conducive environment for the vectors and microbes of illnesses to thrive, like Shivaji Nagar, and the high density of people in such areas ensure they spread rapidly. No matter how much care one takes of themselves, failing health is a constant challenge during the season. A five day outbound retreat, multivitamin supplements, preventive medication, regular exercise, additional hours of sleep - nothing works. I have strong plans for my kids, but I don't know how to over power the constant attack of illness. I recovered from viral fever last week and am currently suffering from conjunctivitis. Further, it doesn't help when not just you but the whole team is struggling with the problem. A team member recovered from malaria a fortnight ago, another has just recovered from typhoid. My co-fellow had a bacterial infection accompanied by high fever las...

Dear Humanity, Congratulations. You have successfully shifted gears in the journey towards self-destruction. The events of the last few weeks have absolutely convinced me that there is nothing much we can do to slow things down. You have adopted a multi-pronged approach in ensuring we moving faster towards the goal of annihalation of our race. Whether it is conflict over a piece of land (in Gaza and Ukraine ), whether it is fighting for religious supremacy ( the Shia-Sunni war in Iraq and the Islamist insurgency in Nigeria ) , whether it is killing for power over civilians (in Syria , Egypt , Somalia and Sudan ), whether it is demonstrating the superiority of the male gender ( rapes in India , including the rape in school ) and whether it is carelessness in handling deadly epidemics and their carriers ( Ebola , MERS , screw up - for the lack of a better word- by CDC ), you have done it all. Like an icing on the cake, the collateral damage of your endeavours has even included the...

Entry two - 5th July 2014 I had the first movie time of the year in school. I showed my kids the movie "Kungfu Panda", which they absolutely loved. They have come to realize that movies are no longer just fun time. They will have to think and they will have to write. At the bare minimum, they will have to apply the skills they learn in comprehension and listening, they will have to make connections between the movie and their own life and they will have to think about values of the classroom every time they watch a movie. After the movie was over and we finished discussing the characters and their qualities, the big idea and the examples of values shown in the movie, we moved on to discussing what we could learn from it. I asked my students to write it in their diary so that we could share it with the class. And as is the case with every time they write their diary, I write my own blog. Being a teacher, what I learned from Kungfu Panda is the teacher can have no favour...

With the effects of Vipassana reducing and its practice ceasing in the last few days, I realized I was becoming more and more irritable at work and at home. I have to find someway that doesn't necessary require me to practice meditation in silence everyday but yet acknowledge the state of my mind and body with equanimity. Hence, I will start blogging with notes from the day everyday - trying to focus on finding a little bit of sunshine in what could also be a miserable day. Additionally, this will serve the purpose of the daily diary I read out to my kids in class. Entry One: 2nd July 2014 Today was a special day. The monsoons came back in their full splendour to the city. With them, they brought their share of smiles, laughter and some much needed relief from the heat of the extended summers. As is the case with every  monsoon, I was excited to step out and play in the rain. However, I couldn't because I had classes to take and meetings to attend. I had thought I will ha...

Hi Guys, I have been focusing on optimistic realism after Vipassana and this mail is one of the many exhibits of that. Despite the unending stream of challenges, the constant burden of planning and executing, a massive achievement gap and the constant lack of external motivation, we have set ambitious targets for our kids. We have taken these targets because we genuinely believe things can change. We have taken these targets because we know that it will be too late for the kids if it is not now. We have taken these targets because we know if we get anywhere close to them, we will probably draw inspiration from this one year of our life forever. This will not be easy. There will be days we feel low, there will be assessments where our kids and our confidence is shattered, there will be students who will make us want to give up on them and there will be times when things are in turmoil on the personal front. On those days, I want us to be there for one another. To remind each ot...

Seeing the new fellows who have joined our school team, I am reminded of how we started our journey in Jafari. I am reminded of the long path we have walked since that day of 24th June when we first met my kids. Looking at the journey of the fellowship from an everyday micro perspective did not make the growth easily apparent. However, when I compare my classroom now to how it was last year and when I compare our instruction style as compared to our incoming batch, I realize somethings have changed. I am much more perceptive of the needs of my children and how to reach out to them. Not only that, I am aware of how to convert the insights of perception to instruction in the classroom. I see how my teacher presence has improved significantly, how I am a lot calmer in the classroom now and as a result, a lot smoother in executing my plan. I understand the need to spend time investing my children in what I believe is good for them. Neither academic, values or exposure are complete...

Days became weeks, weeks became months, months became semesters and semesters became a year.  If I were to make a relative comparison to the other years of my life, I have had the shortest year with probably the longest days. What changed? I joined the TFI fellowship in one of the most challenging schools in the city. During the year, I did not ever take the time to zoom out and think about what I was learning. I did put in a lot of thought about my work and my students but never about my own development. One month down the vacation, I have been wondering if I learnt anything at all - and I have decided to put this conversation with myself on paper in case my future self wishes to refer to it. What did the year teach me? 1) I learnt to value what I took for granted, though gratitude is still a work in progress -an upbringing that gave me the wisdom to choose wisely, a privileged education , access to books and internet, supportive family, encouraging friends, love, travel,...

Inheriting a history of repeated failure, Yet achieving the impossible in his tenure, Wounded in battle, but standing tall in the war. What is this man made of? Completing a journey of a million hurdles, While his own demons he handles, Tired on the path, but always in motion. What is that man made of? Making a voice heard in a jungle of chaos, Speaking with courage for a worthy cause, Choosing the right, rather than the easy path. What is this man made of? Remaining calm in the face of calamity, Holding back anger as a reflex to stupidity, Never showing frustration, but reason What is the man made of? Melting hearts that were frozen since ages, Lending a ear to the ones in dark cages, Free falling often, yet being a pillar of strength  What is that man made of? Working without support nor appreciation, Never boastful of his contribution, Of a royal stature, yet living in a humble abode What is that man made of? ...

I am doing much more in the class than I was doing before but I still feel I am not doing enough. As I have grown as a teacher, I have also developed my ability to sense the pulse of the class, gather finer data and gain frequent feedback. This has helped me plan in greater detail by incorporating feedback faster and modifying lesson plans. Despite its many advantages, a higher degree of perceptiveness changes your definition of excellence. If you are one of those who is not okay with being just okay, then every compromise makes you feel a little more miserable about the falling level of excellence. But wait a minute, did I just say compromise? Till the last unit I was focusing just on lessons. In this unit however, I have changed my approach by bringing in a strong focus on the classroom culture. I realize that it is probable not all my kids will be equipped with the academic skills to make it through school in the time considered the norm, but it is certain that with the right i...

I have started making my kids write journals. I have also been pushing them to share their entries with their classmates. Most kids feel shy and reluctant in sharing openly, worrying about being teased by their classmates. To set up the correct example, I make it a point to read my journal to them - unedited uncut and with complete honesty. After all, we are one family and we need to learn to share with each other. Considering the events of the last few days, I didn't have time to write my journal - but I did update my blog. In the last diary session, I told them I will read my blog post instead of my diary. I explained to them what a blog post is and they were amazed that you could write something which anyone in the world could read. I was in two minds initially about reading the post, considering it was about the circle of death. However, I realized these children have probably seen more death at such a young age than I ever will - so I went  on to read it. Usually my chil...

Shofiya is one of the brighter students in our class. She is quick-witted, hard working and capable of making the right choices. Last Wednesday, Shofiya's father gave up his long fight against brain tumour. Being her teachers, we went to meet her as soon as we found out. As soon as Shofiya saw her friends and teachers, she came out of the house. She met Akriti, her class teacher and my colleague, and gave her a hug - and the moment she did - tears ran down her face like water from a broken dam. She held her tight for nearly 5 minutes. After she had calmed down, she came up to me. As much as I would have loved to give her a warm hug, I didn't considering the sentiments of the community. While she walked up to me, my mind was searching for the right thing to tell her. I thought I will start with "It will all be okay." No, it won't after having lost the only bread winner in the family of 5. I instead told her "This is a difficult time for your family and you....

Many people have come to me with this request. To save myself the time, I am writing this FAQ post based on my own experience till now. Before reading this I would suggest you go through the  Teach for India homepage to know the basics. Why people join TFI?  My friends and I had a combination of different reasons to join the fellowship. Some of us joined the fellowship to make a difference - what better way to change mindsets than positively influencing young minds. Some of us wanted to build perspective about the problems of inequity in education and opportunity in India through the grassroot experience offered by the fellowship. Some of us wanted to push ourselves to new limits to develop our leadership skills. Some of us wanted a sense of purpose and meaningful impact in the work. Some of us wanted a challenge.  Some of us just wanted to take a break from the monotony of a corporate job. Some of us wanted to change the way children learn based on our own...