Whispering Shadow

This question is not the same as "What do I want to accomplish in the two years of the fellowship?" While its answer may partially overlap with the reasons for which I am joining Teach for India  (learning to be a teacher, working at the grassroot level in an entrepreneurial way, networking with like minded people, building leadership qualities), it is still incomplete. What I wish to take away from the classroom cannot be summed up in big words like these. It is not about surviving the two years ordeal and proving to myself that I made it. I can be mediocre and disinterested and live through far worse. I will still have these points on my resume. It is making each of the 700 days count, celebrating small victories and learning from every setback - making myself more tenacious. It is about making friends with 30 children and helping them discover their potential further - learning to become approachable, fair and less judgmental. It is about removing the roadblocks in t...

Dear Shadow, At the very outset, let me wish you an awesome but belated sixth birthday! Apologies for missing out on the celebrations but hell, it was the first time this happened. I will not make excuses seeking forgiveness nor do I promise it won't happen again. All I can say is you have been missed. I have had my reasons to stay away. Firstly, there has been a paucity of interesting day to day experiences that trigger a creative thought. Work is not what you discuss when you are taking a break from work. Secondly, there has been a dearth of aesthetic experiences that are a stimulus to positive emotional expression. My camera has captured whatever few there have been. I have set even higher standards for you as the years have passed and have not found inspiration that gives me such a quality output. The initial apology also does not mean I am going to come back to you more often now. As long as the above reasons remain, I will be doing gross injustice to you. What I can promise...

Dear Shadows, You have been my loyal friend in the years gone by. I have always turned to you in the times, when I have been low or high, contemplative about the state of my being. I have always gone back with my peace of mind. Happy Birthday! Thanks for having been a window to my soul for the last 4 years. I hope you continue to spread sunshine in my life. Always remember, you are not so much for others, as you are for me. Yours Truly, The Illuminator

Dear Paris, Parlez-vous anglais s'il vous plaît? That's all the French I know. Chances are high what is written would not make any sense to you as well. Which world are you living in?! How can anyone not know English! I feel like a stranger on your streets. It is good to be the stranger sometimes. You can say whatever you like without the fear of worrying about what others make of it. ''Kameeno, kabhi to hass lo'' That's what I said out loud while travelling in the tram. They didn't have a clue. On a more serious note, your people barely speak. There is pin drop silence in public transport. The city seems like it never speaks. The calmness is conspicuous to anyone who comes from a place called India. However, you speak through art and architecture. Every building on the streets has an element of culture in it. Be it theatre, opera or sculpting, all are taken seriously. I must commend you for being able to retain your essence in the extremely modernized a...

Dear Friend, I am glad I found you when I was about to get lost in the crowd. You were not a familiar face then. You gave me a sense of comfort nonetheless. I didn't need a hundred people to talk to, just one person who would listen. You obliged. I didn't know how big a favour you were doing to me then, but I now know what it meant to me. Your arguments taught me how to reason. Your voice calmed me down when I had let turbulence prevail within. You used words I often would not want to hear, because you would rather have me hear them from you than a stranger. You showed me the right way when I was at crossroads. Through our conversations, you opened doors to worlds which I never thought could have existed inside me. I would not have known myself had it not been for you. Thank you for being the mirror to my soul. There were times I was demanding, times I was rude and times I over did the sarcasm. I have had reasons, well, most of the times. All said and done, I had never intende...

Dear Love, I hear you have been busy. I don't know if you know but you have recently visited (or in some case revisited) some of my friends and infected them with the affliction that they don't understand. How can they feel self assured with your presence in their life if they can't comprehend you? If they can't find assurance themselves, they look towards their friends, ordinary people like me, who to say the least can only give them a third person's perspective on the whole issue. How can a third person give a perspective on how love should be? How can anyone define it? Isn't it unique to every two people who are or have ever been in love? The irony is that they think you have to be understood before they can embrace you, while it is the embrace that brings the understanding. On another note, the more I hear of you, the more I wonder what makes you tick in the hearts of people. Why a person chooses another can never be fully explained by anyone, including th...

Me: How come you are up at this hour? Myself: I am always up at this hour. Me: Did you know you don't wake up in time for the 8.30 lectures? Myself: Of course I do. I have a dream within a dream within a dream....just like nested loops in programming. Every time the alarm rings, I wake up in a dream. I exit one dream and return to the parent dream. Me: Crap! You are sleep talking. Myself: I am sleep talking half the time. I am sleeping from 2 AM to 2 PM. Surprised you didn't know. Me: Don't forget, I am the insomniac that you once used to be. Myself: I thought I was too, till the winter came knocking on my doors. Time froze. I froze in time, apparently. Me: Faff. When will you ever learn how to talk straight? Myself: It's proven. That's why food is preserved in freezers. The microbes' metabolism slows down in the near zero degree temperature range and hence they cannot carry on with their work of spoiling the food. So you see it's humane for your body clock ...

Me: I am tired. Myself: No, it is just the October heat. Me: But it never happened to me before. Myself: Yes, sitting in front of the computer in an air-conditioned office without any exercise can do that to you. Me: I should exercise! Myself: I have heard that one before, more than once actually! Me: I think I will wake up early tomorrow. Myself: LOL. Me: I will. I am going to sleep early. Myself: Just to exercise? Me: No. I have to study too. Myself: Oh yes, I almost forgot to remind you that your big exam is less than a month away. Me: I haven't forgotten but I have just notbeen able to make the time. Myself: It is convenient to make reasons. Me: Ok, I know I have been a loser. Myself: But it is not too late. Don't give up in the  last lap. Me: I am trying. Myself: No, you are not but you should. I know I can! Me: Oh, in all this hopelessness, I have something to look forward to. Myself: Yaay, we are going to meet our parents but is this the right time to go ho...

What do you do if a stalker who had lost your trail comes back into your life? What do you do if he knows where you stay exactly and has just dropped a gift at your doorstep on your birthday? Well, something of this sort happened to my PAL. I will call her PAL itself for ease of reference throughout the rest of this blog. It was her 20th birthday. As is usually the case with people celebrating their birthdays, she too received a number of birthday greetings. On one of this calls, she heard an unrecognizable voice and that's when her ordeal began. Caller: Wish you many many happy returns of the day! May you have all the happiness, joy and success you have ever wanted. PAL: Thank you. May I know who this is? C: May you get everything you desire. P: Ok, thanks a lot but stop. Please introduce yourself. C: Isn't it enuf to know that the feelings are heart felt? P ( getting a little irritated): I think the feelings will mean a lot more if I know who the person is. C: If I tell y...

The word 'dummies' in the title is aimed at two kinds of people - those who don't know what a viva is and those who have been proven to be just that (i.e. a dummy) by the end of a viva. Instead of bragging on and on about the dire situations we students are put in, I thought why not churn up a mock viva right here right now, hoping to arouse some sympathy in the hearts of those who don't face such misery. The Background: A pair of class three students, hereby referred to as, Defendant 1 (D1) and Defendant 2 (D2) sitting in front of the teachers, who will be further known as Prosecuter 1 (P1) and Prosecuter 2 (P2) for an General Science viva. P1 is the external while P2 is the internal. Act One and Only, Scene One: P2: Please be seated in this order, roll number 3 on the left and roll number 4 on the right. P1: Which are the five constituent gases of the atmosphere? D1: Air, Gas, Oxygen, Smoke, and... P1(to D2) : Can you give the answer? D2: Yes sir, oxygen, nitrogen, wa...

I don't know whether to call it his good luck or my bad luck. I happened to have taken a ride in an auto rickshaw , with a driver who perhaps had an opinion on everything you can find in a dictionary and more, and who made sure he expressed it. It's an excerpt from our conversation . Actually can't call it a conversation because it was him who was doing all the talking. Circa 2002, in the garden city, on one of my trips from the railway station to my destination Opinionated Driver OD: Where are you from?? Harrassed passenger ie ME: Mumbai OD: Are you north indian? ME: No, why do you ask? OD: From who are you then? ME: What??? OD: I mean which caste you from? ME: (thinking wt shd I say to shut him up..decide 2 stay silent) OD: I hate North Indians. ME: Hmmmm OD: They spoiling my city. All shopping mall opening. Shopper stop is killing the lungi. No one wearing kannada outfits. ME: (trying to act deaf) OD: My son too forcing me to buy jeans. I told him no. It is not our dress...