Whispering Shadow

While I haven't been blogging, I have been writing more religiously than ever before in the form of weekly reflections to empty my mind and synthesize my learning. Over the last few months, I have been exploring the many reasons behind why I do what I do. I am going to capture all these reasons in this one post on my blog. Story 1: Students' Self-Awareness  I saw a beautiful example of the connect between the classroom and community, through the learning circle Siddharth conducts every morning with his kids. It was great to see the students discussing issues like "challenges faced by working women" in which Siddharth roped in the guest Ms. Kamal Bajwa, who was accompanying me. Kids asked questions like "What were the problems you faced as student?","What values did you show to overcome them?","Are those values still useful?" (not exactly with this grammar, but headed in this direction). I asked them why their first response to get...

I was going to school today feeling a sense of finality of everything. The exact same pre-school morning routine. Packing my bag after checking for all the essentials. Meeting the same people in the lift, other children who go to better resourced schools and their parents. Taking a rickshaw to school with the meter reading between Rs.44-46 everyday (as per the latest fare revision - fares changed thrice during the two years). Reaching school before 7:10AM, the time for the first bell. Signing in on the teacher's muster. Leading my class line for the assembly. Being greeted by a "Good Morning" by my students.  Setting up the class for the lesson - the closing lesson of the year. Taking attendance. Executing it to the tee, well almost. The video collage of photographs of some of the key moments of our journey made them realize that this was the last time I was taking a lesson for them. That was when it dawned on them and me that I had only a few minutes left in that class...

I am neither a misanthrope nor asocial. I am not driven by rebellion or non-conformance either. However, I am strongly driven by values of secular humanism, chief among them being fairness, simplicity, respect, integrity, wisdom, efficiency and scientific thinking. I also judge my actions by a simple thumb rule. I always ask myself "Is what I do thoughtful, helpful, inspiring, necessary or kind?". If the answer is no to any question, I choose to avoid the action. I call this the "THINK" rule. During the months leading to my wedding and the weeks following my wedding, I have often heard the phrase "man is a social animal" being used as a driver of certain actions that seem illogical but indispensable part of our fabric. In addition, many practices are disguised under the veil of apparently righteous terms like "culture" and "tradition". Many of these actions or practices surrounding the wedding strongly challenged my value system. I w...

2014 has been the year that tested my tenacity in more than one way. The year posed many challenges on both the personal and professional front, which took away incredible amount of energy from me. I wanted to end the year on a high, but on the contrary, I am feeling at my lowest ever. My marriage, being the largest exercise in managing egos of diverse stake holders, took away my focus from my classroom. My students, who were on the path of transformation, have now lost the momentum towards their goals thanks to my distracted inputs and the absence of my co-teacher and thought partner. I am mentally tough and well planned, which has helped me deal well with the stress, but I am disappointed with the permanence of the outcomes which my dedicated effort in the classroom have yielded. Everyone tells me that I have fared fairly well considering the circumstances. For me, these two years were not about surviving, they were about pushing the limits of my belief, of what I can achieve. I h...

With the effects of Vipassana reducing and its practice ceasing in the last few days, I realized I was becoming more and more irritable at work and at home. I have to find someway that doesn't necessary require me to practice meditation in silence everyday but yet acknowledge the state of my mind and body with equanimity. Hence, I will start blogging with notes from the day everyday - trying to focus on finding a little bit of sunshine in what could also be a miserable day. Additionally, this will serve the purpose of the daily diary I read out to my kids in class. Entry One: 2nd July 2014 Today was a special day. The monsoons came back in their full splendour to the city. With them, they brought their share of smiles, laughter and some much needed relief from the heat of the extended summers. As is the case with every  monsoon, I was excited to step out and play in the rain. However, I couldn't because I had classes to take and meetings to attend. I had thought I will ha...

I had a very forgettable day at school yesterday. Somehow everything seemed to be falling apart in school. Our classes which are otherwise the more disciplined ones were have their off days.I discovered some students who were leaders in the class had chosen to be dishonest. Some others had chosen to not show respect to their team members and some even to their teachers. I was mighty upset at how I realized progress in the classroom was just a delusion I was living in. And in my frustration, I did end up showing my anger to my kids. I came back home. I decided against calling parents of kids who I had chastised for an update and give myself time to process information with clarity. I chose to take the evening off. Thankfully, my friend was here from Delhi. I did speak a lot with her about the state of things. While our conversations were not necessarily restricted to the classroom, I could connect back a lot of what we spoke back to my students. Both of us decided to watch Queen th...

I was happy after school yesterday.  Mahek and Aliya were conducting extra classes for kids. They were helping people learn math and complete their homework.  Despite there being no teacher in class, the kids continued working independently following all the rules.  No other students from 6th or 7th who stayed back showed such self control.  It was the first sign of my  Metamorphians being the best class in not only the grade but the whole school. Studness is happening.  I can't wait to see them grow and learn next year.

The sound of the cuckoo reaches my ears. My skin feels the temperature drop a notch. The sun doesn't seem to be gazing at me any more. Dark clouds fill the skyline. The breeze carries the message - it is time! It cannot be seen, but it has arrived. The scent of the earth cannot be mistaken. A flash is seen in the sky, like that coming from God's own camera. Clouds begin to thunder. In a matter of minutes, all doubts are put to rest as the thin drizzle matures into a visible heavy shower. Some animals take shelter, birds ground their flight. Greens appear greener. Children start screaming, possibly with fear or joy. When I see them run out of their homes and dance right under the rain, I know it is the latter. Instinctively, I pull out my camera and capture the moment. The photographs are about average. Something in me makes me not want to care about technical perfection. After the light dims to unacceptable levels for pictures, I head to the terrace. The shower is now heavier....

A song in the silent woods A drop of the morning dew A baby in the arms of a mother A leaf that the wind blew Take everything but these away Let my elixir of life stay A word with the one I love A change of heart I brought A fruit from the seed I sowed A line from the poetry I wrote Take everything but these away Let my elixir of life stay A balloon in the hand of a child A hope in the rising sun A smile that I can bring to a face A tear of joy in the eyes of someone Take everything but these away Let my elixir of life stay Happiness is a state of mind Not found, nor stored A thought so powerful Not pursued, nor borrowed It keeps finding me When I choose to let it be You can take everything but this away My elixir of life will stay